We are four humble men who love sports, but hate sports commentary. Peter Gammons is our hero and John Madden is our enemy. If you were to ask us our purpose, our answer would be simple: "We are forever locked in Mortal Kombat for the souls of sports fans everywhere. Statistics are our science and 'the immeasurable character of men' is the obsolete religion of blind faith. Our job is to prove that God doesn't exist and that athletes are merely cold, metal machines with no hearts or souls."
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Thursday, December 25, 2008
Jimmy Clausen is an Arrogant Piece of Shit
I only got a chance to see the highlights of the Hawaii Bowl featuring god's gift to the world Jimmy Clausen. Now we all know that he sucks. He's a spoiled california kid from a famous family and brother of other marginal college football QB's most notably Casey Clausen. Little Jimmy has been told he's god's gift to the football universe from the first time he put on a football helmet. He dominated at Oaks Christian, which basically dresses a D1 school in high school, allowing little Jimmy to be the brat he was raised to be. He was one of the most highly recruited QB's in recent memory, being told what a god's gift he was by names like weis, carroll, and saban only feeding little Jimmy's ego. Before coming to notre dame, he predicted the fighting irish would win 4 national championships. Oops!
This guy defines the word douchebag. After sucking it up for two straight years and making the chicago bears offense look sound by comparison, little Jimmy finally had a stellar game at the Hawaii bowl against the Hawaii warriors, formerly known as the rainbow warriors btw. And after each TD pass, the camera would zoom in on little Jimmy's arrogant smirk making every viewer throw up a little. How this guy can have a smirk after leading the irish to an embarrassing 10-15 record and almost costing charlie weis his job i simply do not know. After taking over for a darn good schmuck in Brady Quinn, little Jimmy has redefined the word schmuck while having as many interceptions as TD passes and a losing record at a once proud football institution.
I actually think little Jimmy has NFL star potential considering his 6'3" frame and rocket arm, but unless he losses the fucking attitude, he will end up exactly where his brother Casey is, sitting at home while his daddy tells him what a god's gift to football he really is.
Thanks so much for your article, very effective piece of writing.
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