Why College Basketball Sucks (Part 1)

On a daily quest to strike up random sports conversations with people I’ve never met, I always hear the same sorry excuse, “I only start watching [insert random sport] when the playoffs start”. 99% of the time this means the person couldn’t tell the difference between lebron james and wayne gretzky. The other 1% accounts for an occasional situation where the person is in fact a sports addict, yet is consumed with other things like a job and a family rarely seen among our ilk. 

That being said, I feel compelled to admit something. I don’t start watching college basketball until march madness comes around. But I have a very good excuse. College Basketball Sucks! Sucks Hard!

There are so many reasons that college basketball sucks that it is impossible to cover it all in one blog post, but we’ll do our best.

Let’s begin with the game itself.

1)      Why the hell do they need a 35 second shot clock? It take 10 seconds to bring the ball up the court, 10 seconds to run a play, and 5 seconds to run around in circles.  So what are the other 10 seconds for? I’ll tell you. It’s for Greg Paulus to dribble around half court like an idiot. Thanks Greg Paulus. I understand that college players aren’t as polished as pros who work under a 24 second clock, but the 35 second clock slows down the game, makes it boring, and makes late game comebacks almost impossible

2)  What is up with the possession arrow? Why can’t they just do a regular jump ball like every other heterosexual man who have every played the game of basketball.  The definition of a jump ball is that possession is shared by 2 opposing players, hence they must jump ball to see who gets possession. This is equivalent of 2 guys getting into a fight and flipping a coin to decide who mercifully gets to beat on the other guy. Man up

3)  What is the point of having the 5 foul and you’re out rule? They play 2 halves of basketball, wouldn’t it make scene to at least have an even number of fouls. College players don’t know how to play defense, contributing to the suckiness, such that they are overly prone to fouls. If a star college baller gets 2 fouls in the first 3 minutes, he basically has to sit the rest of the half so not to foul out in the first 10 minutes of the game. Who wants to see Michael Beasely or Greg Oden sitting on the bench half the game during march madness cause of 2 early fouls. Instead we’re forced to watch bill walker embarrass the game of basketball. 

4)  That weak 19 foot 3-point line.  Seriously, this may the worst part of the college game. For those of you who have never held a basketball, no worries, even you can make a 19 foot 3-pointer. This has made college basketball into a glorified 3-point shooting contests.  It is not uncommon to see teams take half their shots beyond the arc.  The reason the shot is worth 3 points, is because it is suppose to be difficult and taken at a high risk.  However the risk/reward has been taken away due to the simplicity of the shot. You see 7 footers with neither touch nor depth perception taking 3’s. It’s a sad sight. In addition, it compacts the games as 10 of the largest human beings are all running around a 20 foot radius half circle.  Just imagine trying to buy a wii on black friday. Not a pretty sight. Yeah, they finally moved the 3-point line back one whole foot, but that’s not going to stop the problem. The NBA has a 23’9” 3-point line. Now that’s a man’s 3 pointer.  

5)  But none of that compares with our last point as to why college basketball sucks.  The college basketball talent simply sucks.  I love the game of basketball. The skill and athleticisms it takes to excel is as admirable as any other great talent in the world of sport.  For example it's nothing like rugby, from which I can tell only requires an abusive childhood and a psychopathic personality disorder.  However, college basketball players just make the game unwatchable. They can’t dribble, pass, shoot. Just the basics of the game. Unless you’re watching north carolina or kansas, you’re unlikely to see anything you cant find in you’re local playground.  So until college players actually learn the fundamentals of basketball, I suggest you watch the NBA.