Sexy Rexy's Sports Gripes: LeBron Edition

Yes, I realize I'm late giving all you lucky fans MY two cents on quote The Decision endquote. Yes, my "''" buttons work fine. Stupid interns, can't find good help these days. Even though no one has a job. Yet I digress. I was going to do a podcast about this as soon as I sat through an excruciating 15 minutes of Stuart Scott and Jon Berry's opinion and another excruciating 15 minutes while LBJ babbles on and on about quote what a tough decision this has been endquote. Damn it Johnny, stop taking everything I say so literal. Stop writing what I'm saying! Stop that. qwefqewnfbqwejfbqdvbcqwjvqewcbqwd,ncb

Sorry about that folks, I had to fire Johnny and he wouldn't relinquish the computer. So now it's all me. Despite you having enough time to formulate your own opinion about LeBron and even though you heard EVERYBODY at ESPN and your local sports talk radio tell you their opinion, here's mine:

- Everyone except the five Heat season ticket holders and Pat Riley is pissed at LeBron for some reason or another. I am no different. Except the only reason I hate him is because he didn't choose Chicago. I'm not even a big basketball fan by any stretch of the imagination but I was wishing upon airplanes in the night sky that they were shooting stars so I could wish that LeBron would choose Chicago considering everyone in the media for two straight months told me he was coming to Chicago. I would have actually watched basketball/ follow NBA box scores if LeBron came to Chicago.

- Also, I hate LeBron because when the interviewer FINALLY came around to asking LeBron where he was going, LBJ's response was "South Beach". When the interviewer then said "you mean Miami; you're going to the Miami Heat?", LeBron just starred at him blankly. Really fucknuts!? You couldn't just say "Miami Heat" or at least reiterated after you were asked that you're going to the Miami Heat!? Or say "the Heat". Or at least the namesake city of the team you're going to play for? Even a 24 year old could have thought of that.

- By the way, if you think about it, WISHING airplanes were shooting stars just so you can then go ahead and MAKE A WISH is pretty fucking retarded. Think about it.

- I have absolutely no inherent/ objective reason to hate LeBron's actual team choice. All I heard in the off season is that LeBron needs to go to a place where he can win. Well, I think LeBron can win with DeWayne Wade, Chris Bosh, myself, and The 'Bright' One playing center. I'm pretty sure LeBron choose a place where he could win multiple championships, like every critic said he needed to do. But because he'll win with other superstars it was a bad decision? What!?

- This "LeBron doesn't want to be the man" nonsense is getting way too out of hand. When people are comparing King James to Michael or Kobe, are they forgetting the other four players that were on the court with these players? Did people forget that Kobe was The Man in L.A. for a long time post-Shaq and pre-Gasol and it got him nowhere? Did people forget the reason Boston won a Championship recently and just went to the Finals was because of what the media dubbed "The Big Three". And do people forget that Michael Jordan had a top 50, probably a top 35, best basketball player of all time during his six rings. A little man by the name of Scottie Pippen. And three of Jordan's rings came with Pippen along with a great player who also has won many rings prior; a guy by the name of Dennis Rodman. Ever heard of him? No really, have you? Can you please tell me who he is?

- Along the same line, LeBron did not hurt his global image. He's still going to be a sponsor for Nike and Vitamin Water and what have you and still sell shit all over the world AND have multiple rings to go along with the millions upon billion of dollars that he's going to make. And then he's going to sleep with 20 different women, a few in each city he plays on the road (the one hot girl in Charlotte, keep your legs warm!) and then get caught in a huge scandal that will actually hurt his image and he'll end up paying one of the girls a few BILLION dollars. This type of scandal will be unprecedented and will never happen before or after LBJ did it.

- Everyone who is criticizing James for "how he handled 'The Decision'" and the press conference are just jealous haters who wish he came to their city and team. The only "bad" part of the interview was that ESPN, the lying douchebags that they are, told us that The Decision would be at 8:00 and when 10:15 finally rolled around and everyone at ESPN gave their own dumb ass opinion (mine is clearly the only one that matters!)along with a really boring interview, then did we all hear where exactly LeBron was going- even though ESPN told us all day LBJ was going to Miami anyway.

- LeBron owes Cleveland nothing but an apology that he was a little bitch in the playoffs and even though the Cavs were the best team in the East for like five straight years, James could only go to the Finals once and win no titles. He didn't have to go play for Cleveland just because they drafted him and just because he's from the area. Let the man, aka little bitch, play wherever he wants to.

- The only bigger little bitch in this entire saga is Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert. We're all pissed LBJ didn't came to our team but we all don't take out editorials in the paper and whine and complain about it and throw a temper tantrum like a three year old. We instead act like adults and bitch and moan about it on an independent sports blog mainly related to baseball and football that no one reads.

As Porky Pig would say Th-th-th-that's All, Folks!