Help A Football Player In Need

Hat tip to Cubsfan4ever for directing this open letter to my attention:

My friends,

Since September 11, 2001, Americans have come together as never before in
our generation. We have banded together to overcome adversity. We have
weathered direct attacks on our own soil, wars overseas,
corporate/government scandal, layoffs, unemployment, stock price plunges,
droughts, fires, mad cow, SARS, high gasoline prices, and a myriad of
economic and physical disasters both great and small. But now, we must come
together once again to overcome one of our greatest challenges yet.

Hundreds of Professional Football players in our very own nation are going
to be locked out, living at well below their seven-figure salary level. And
as if that weren't bad enough they could be deprived of their life
sustaining pay for several months, possibly longer, as a result of the
upcoming lockout situation. But you can help!

For only $27,080 a month, about $902.75 a day (that's less than the cost of
a large screen projection TV), you can help an NFL player remain economically
viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the
problem as it barely covers the annual minimum salary, but it's a start, and
every little bit will help!

Although $900 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a football player
it could mean the difference between spending the lockout golfing in Florida
or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, nine hundred dollars is nothing more
than a month's rent, a mortgage payment, or a month of medical insurance,
but to a football player, $900 will partially replace his daily salary.

Your commitment of less than $900 a day will enable a player to buy that
home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or
enjoy a weekend in Rio.

HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?

Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player you
sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate,
and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Plus, upon
signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of the
player lounging during the lockout on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean
(for a signed photo, please include an additional $150). Put the photo on
your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples' suffering.

HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING?

Your NFL player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to
help in a time of need. Although the player won't know your name, he will be
able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator in case
additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses.

Remember, a lifestyle is a horrible thing to waste...

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YES, I WANT TO HELP!

I would like to sponsor a locked out NFL player. My preference is (check
below):

[ ] Offense [ ] Defense [ ] Special Teams [ ] Entire team

Please charge the account listed below $902.75 per day for the duration of
the lockout. Please send me a picture of the player and my very own Roger
Goodell (NFL Commissioner) pin to wear proudly on my hat (include $80 for
hat).

Your Name: ____________________Telephone Number: ___________________
Account Number: __________________ Exp.Date:_______

[ ] Master Card [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other

Signature: _______________________

Alternate card (when the primary card exceeds its credit limit):
Account Number: _______________________ Exp.Date:_______
[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other

Signature: ______________________