New Sabermetric Discovered!

It's called Grindiness Per Nine Innings (G/9). To calculate a player's G/9, you simply multiply the amount of heart a player has by his ability to "grind" in "clutch" situations and then divide that by the difference between his BA and OBP. Then, add X, where X is equal to how many World Series ring this player has. Finally, multiply your figure by 9 and you will have any given player's "Raw Grindiness Factor" (RGF), which must be adjusted for park factors like "it's really hard to be on the Yankees because people expect big things from you" or "used a Shortstop's mitt at Second Base."

Players who annually rank top 10 in G/9:
01. David Eckstein (Small Guy, Big Heart, TWO World Series Rings!!)
02. Derek Jeter (Captain Clutch, Mr. November, makes appearances on SNL)
03. Darren Erstad ("The Punter", dirties up his uniform every single game)
04. Scott Posednick (From Rule 5 To Fifth String OF!: The Scotty Pods Success Story)
05. Jacque Jones (strong ability to try hard trumps weak arm and inability to walk)
06. Justin Mornaeu (Captain Clutch Jr.)
07. C.C. Sabathia (completes every game he starts and has the ability to pitch on three days rest five consective times late in a season after throwing over 5oo innings over the past two seasons because he's "competitive")
08. K-Rod (you might as well nickname him Jesus for all the shit he saves)
09. Juan Pierre (Mr. "What Is This New-Fangled OPS Shit? Did You See How Many SBs Pierre Had In 2008?")
10. Carlos Zambrano (His sheer manliness prevents him from hydrating during games)

Players who annually rank bottom 10 in G/9.
01. Alex Rodriguez (anti-clutch, "overpaid")
02. Adam Dunn (doesn't try, not entertaining enough to watch, can't run the 50 yard dash in 3 seconds)
03. Barry Bonds (cheater, drug-user, sells poison milk to school children)
04. Jason Giambi (the biggest bust in baseball; only hits 33 HR a year)
05. Aaron Harang (strikeouts are fascist, couldn't get Cy Young votes if his life depended on it, brags too much about his 4:1 strikeout rate, what are statistics?)
06. Pat Burrell (his career .852 OPS is too inconsistant)
07. Frank Thomas (clogs the bases, strikes out too much)
08. Johan Santana (ONLY won 16 games in 2008; his inability to complete every outing last year showed his lack of competitiveness [that and the fact that he did not pitch on 3 days rest five consecutive times])
09. Bert Blyleven (ONLY has 3701 career strikeouts, ONLY has 287 wins, no perfect games)
10. Mark Teixeira (his refusal of an 8-year, $140 million contract from the perennial losers that are the Texas Rangers in favor of an 8-year, $180 million contract from the perennial winners that are the Yankees makes him greedy)