Baseball Defined

THE BASICS
On Deck – Having plans for a date
Strike-Out – Duh!! (No Date)
Walk – Kissing / No Tongues
Single – Tongue kissing
Double – Breasts/chest touched, some clothes off, lots of grabbing
and eels.
Triple – Most of the clothes off, possible genital contact, mutual masturbation.
Home Run – SEX!
Bunt – Masturbation
Foul tip – VD
Three up and three down – impotency.
Inside the park home run – Oral Sex.
Pre-Game Warm-up – Fore-play.
Ground Rule Double – would have sex, but no condom.
Balk – Premature ejaculation.
Error – Condom breaks during sex.
Double Play – Having two partners at the same time.
Loaded Bases – menage a trois.
Ground Out – Moving for first base but partner says…. “Not on a first date.”
Banned for life for gambling – sex without condom.
Score Card – Number of times you orgasm vs. number of times partner orgasms.
Grand Slam – Sex three times in twelve hours.
Corked Bat – Using Viagra

FIELD TERMS
Pine Tar – Synthetic Lubrication
Relief pitcher – Vibrator
Pinch Runner – Tag-team sex with your roommate
Fast ball – Three strokes DONE!
In a pickle – Getting caught cheating on a partner
Getting the signals crossed – Moving in for the home run and ending up with a strike out.
Box Seats – Waterbed
Seventh Inning Stretch – Unusual positions
Rain Delay – parents/roommate return home unexpectedly.
Stranding the runner – You orgasm, your partner doesn’t.

LEAGUE TERMS
Spectator – Peeping Tom
Forfeit – Date stands you up
Out of play – That time of the month
Cleared the bases – Changed the sheets
Bleacher Seats – Roommate’s perspective while you are going at it
Suspended – Partner says they need some time alone
Being Traded – Being dumped for someone else
Free Agent – Recently dumped, currently unattached
Disabled list – Done it so much you can’t stand
Ejected from game – Partner throws you off during rodeo sex

THE PLAYERS
Rookie – Virgin
Veteran – Prostitute
Talent Agent – Pimp
Scout – Someone scoping out your partner on a date
Minor Leagues – Under 18
All Stars Game – Doing it with your ex while still going out with your current
Switch Hitter – Sex with her one night, and her brother the next.
Hall of Fame – When you ask “Was it good for you” and they say “YES!!!”

Now that we have the definitions, let’s quickly contrast the old confusion with current clarity:
OLD WAY – We, um got to third base, I guess and then we, um got like past third base, but not to home plate. I really like her…
NEW WAY – First, there was a triple, then we got an inside the park home run, and started thinking, it’s Hall of Fame time!
NEW WAY – So there I was with the bases loaded and nobody out, when I balked during the seventh inning stretch and I had to call in a relief pitcher.