The Not Silver Slugger, Not Gold Glove Awards

Screw the Silver Slugger and Gold Glove awards. Let's instead look at who was the worst at hitting and fielding in the AL/NL. There is a 400 PA requirement for hitters and fielders (yes, I know that PA's are a weird way to determine FRAA, but there was way to sort player values by innings played on Fangraphs).

2009 American League NOT Silver Slugger Award
C-Dioner Navarro (-23.4 Batting Runs)
1B-Mike Jacobs (-10.3 Batting Runs)
2B-Nick Punto (-11.3 Batting Runs)
SS-Yuniesky Betancourt (-23.9 Batting Runs)
3B-Brendan Harris (-11.7 Batting Runs)
OF-Willie Bloomquist (-12.2 Batting Runs)
OF-Alex Rios (-12.0 Batting Runs)
OF-B.J. Upton (-8.8 Batting Runs)
DH-Aubrey Huff (-15.9 Batting Runs)
Total Runs Created = -129.5

2009 National League NOT Silver Slugger Award
C-Jason Kendall (-15.8 Batting Runs)
1B-Daniel Murphy (-3.7 Batting Runs)
2B-Clint Barmes (-14.4 Batting Runs)
SS-Edgar Renteria (-19.8 Batting Runs)
3B-Emilio Bonafacio (-21.5 Batting Runs)
OF-Willie Taveras (-27.2 Batting Runs)
OF-Brandon Moss (-13.5 Batting Runs)
OF-Randy Winn (-13.4 Batting Runs)
P-Jon Garland (-14.9 Batting Runs, 75 PA)
Total Runs Created = -144.2

2009 American League NOT Gold Glove Award (C/P omitted due to lack of fielding data)
1B-Ty Wiggington (-6.8 Fielding Runs)
2B-Adam Kennedy (-10.3 Fielding Runs)
SS-Yuniesky Betancourt (-20.5 Fielding Runs)
3B-Mark Teahen (-12.2 Fielding Runs)
OF-Jermaine Dye (-20.0 Fielding Runs)
OF-Jose Guillen (-18.7 Fielding Runs)
OF-Jacoby Ellsbury (-18.6 Fielding Runs)
Total Runs Prevented = -107.1

2009 National League NOT Gold Glove Award (C/P omitted due to lack of fielding data)
1B-Jorge Cantu (-5.7 Fielding Runs)
2B-Skip Schumaker (-12.9 Fielding Runs)
SS-Miguel Tejada (-13.9 Fielding Runs)
3B-David Wright (-10.4 Fielding Runs)
OF-Adam Dunn (-36.3 Fielding Runs)
OF-Brad Hawpe (-21.3 Fielding Runs)
OF-Andre Ethier (-16.2 Fielding Runs)
Total Runs Prevented = -116.7

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Total AL Wins "Above" the Replacement level: -23.7
Total NL Wins "Above" the Replacement level: -26.1
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Of note:
-OF Vernon Wells almost made the AL NOT Silver Slugger list at -8.1 Batting Runs. J.P. Riccardi really doesn't know how to sign players to good contracts (Vernon Wells has only topped the .900 OPS mark once in his career, although he does have an .899 OPS season to his name as well).
-The worst hitting Pitcher (Garland) was better than the worst hitting DH (Huff). Bahahaha.
-Yuniesky Betancourt is the only player in the majors to be the worst fielder AND hitter at his position. Why is he not cut?
-Jacoby Ellsbury, with an 8.2 Speed Score, was rated the fastest major leaguer last season with 300+ ABs. And yet, he is terrible at defense. This just goes to show you that not all fast players have good range.
-Adam Dunn single handedly ruined the NL's worst defense compared to the AL by being almost twice as crappy at defense as the second worst fielder in baseball (Jermaine Dye).
-Willie Taveras is really bad at baseball. Anyone who drafted him last year probably knows this.

I think the AL Silver Slugger awards accidentally copy/pasted the AL Gold Glove list

2009 American League Silver Slugger Awards
C -- Joe Mauer, Minnesota Twins
1B -- Mark Teixeira, New York Yankees
2B -- Aaron Hill, Toronto Blue Jays
3B -- Evan Longoria, Tampa Bay Rays
SS -- Derek Jeter, New York Yankees
OF -- Ichiro Suzuki, Seattle Mariners
OF -- Jason Bay, Boston Red Sox
OF -- Torii Hunter, Los Angeles Angels

2008 American League Gold Glove Awards
C -- Joe Mauer, Minnesota Twins
1B -- Mark Teixeira, New York Yankees
2B -- Placido Polanco, Detroit Tigers
3B -- Evan Longoria, Tampa Bay Rays
SS -- Derek Jeter, New York Yankees
OF -- Ichiro Suzuki, Seattle Mariners
OF -- Adam Jones, Baltimore Orioles
OF -- Torii Hunter, Los Angeles Angels

Doesn't the term slugger imply home runs? If so, why is Teixeira (.273 ISO) on the list over Carlos Pena (.310 ISO)? Or Ichiro (.113 ISO, not even top 50 in wOBA amongst players with 500+ PA) and Torii Hunter (.208 ISO) over Nelson Cruz (.264) and Nick Swisher (.249 ISO)? Sigh. I'm not going to waste any more breathe (or text) criticizing these obvious poor picks further. Check out SexyRexy's Silver Slugger Picks for a better set of choices (though I personally think Pena and Cruz are better picks over Youkilis and Hunter).

The REAL Silver Slugger Awards

This is who I think deserves to win the meaningless silver slugger award- based on wOBA, and from my limited understanding, this appears to be the best metric to judge offensive players, but DME could tell me wrong

AL:
C- Joe Mauer (Twins)- How does he not win every award he can this year?
1B- Kevin Youkilis (Red Sox)- not Carlos Pena
2B- Ben Zobrist (Rays)
SS- Derek Jeter (Yankees)
3B- A-Roid (Yankees)
RF- Shin-Soo Choo (Indians)- although Zobrist leads all RF...
CF- Torii Hunter (Angels)
LF- Jason Bay (Red Sox)
DH- Adam Lind (Blue Jays)- I don't know if they have a Silver Slugger for DH but Lind has been the best.

NL:
C- Brian McCann (Braves)
1B- Albert Pujols (Cardinals)
2B- Chase Utley (Phillies)
SS- Hanley Rameriz
3B- Mark Reynolds (OK, Kung Fu Panda has the better nickname and beat Reynolds by .15 in wOBA, but come on, look at the year Reynolds had)
RF- Justin Upton
CF- Matt Kemp (although he's .01 behind Andrew McCutchen in wOBA, which guys would you rather have?)
LF- Ryan Braun (Brewers)
P- Micah Owings (Reds) - How long will it be before a team Rick Ankiel's him?