The Big Fat Bartolo Colon All-Stars

Baseball is a sport of athletes, but some players did not get the memo. Players like Big Fat Bartolo Colon. Guys who play the game with big hearts and bigger stomachs. There's only enough food in the clubhouse for one of them (see Brewers, 2008). Together, these players forge "The Big Fat Bartolo Colon All-Stars." Each is weighed in Pounds Per Inch (PPI).

C: Pablo Sandoval (5-11/246 >> 3.46 PPI)
1B: Prince Fielder (5-11/268 >> 3.77 PPI)
2B: Ronnie Belliard (5-10/212 >> 3.03 PPI)
SS: Juan Uribe (6-0/230 >> 3.19 PPI)
3B: Miguel Cabrera (6-4/240 >> 3.16 PPI)
RF: Carlos Lee (6-2/240 >> 3.24 PPI)
CF: Andruw Jones (6-1/240 >> 3.29 PPI)
LF: Matt Stairs (5-9/215 >> 3.12 PPI)
DH: Dmitry Young (6-2/298 >> 4.03 PPI)

SP1-C.C. Sabathia (6-7/290 >> 3.67 PPI)
SP2-Carlos Zambrano (6-5/255 >> 3.31 PPI)
SP3-Joe Blanton (6-3/252 >> 3.36 PPI)
SP4-Sidney Ponson (6-1/258 >> 3.53 PPI)
SP5-Bartolo Colon (5-11/245 >> 3.45 PPI)
RP-Bobby Jenks (6-3/275 >> 3.67 PPI)
CL-Jonathan Broxton (6-4/294 >> 3.87 PPI)

Manager: Lou Pinella

In total, this team would weigh 4,058 pounds. The average player weight is 253.63 pounds, while the average player PPI is a whopping 3.45. By contrast, David Eckstein's PPI is 2.64.

Big Fat Bartolo Colon's Mysterious Disappearing Act

Stop me if you've heard this one before, but White Sox starting pitcher Bartolo Colon, the world's fattest man, is missing...again. How the hell do you lose track of a 300+ pound man with a horrible wannabe porn mustache? It's called Google Earth. Look for a giant blob that can't pitch. It's probably Bartolo Colon (or Jeff D’Amico).

Where In The World Is Bartolo Colon?

Today, Kenny Williams mentioned that they can not locate Bartolo Colon. Multiple choice of places Colon can be:

a) At home on the couch eating Cheetos
b) At Krispy Kremes
c) At the gym trying to lose weight
d) At Home on the couch eating Twizzlers
e) Teaching young guys like Manny Parra, Jonathan Sanchez, and Brandon Morrow how to pitch