So last night I was too frustrated and had limited time to insult Jeff Passan's list of free agents. But now that I have more time on my hands at the moment, here I go again:
79) Nick Punto, UT: SIGNED The high-energy guy who steals bases and plays stellar defense is staying in Minnesota after agreeing to a two-year contract worth $8.5 million
He can do two skills that aren't really that important to a baseball player but are nice complementary skills to a good player. But we forgot about the whole "complementary" part and give him way more more than he's worth
95) Brad Wilkerson, 1B/OF: Hit 30 home runs and walked 100 times only four years ago, so someone is bound to take a flyer.
He did something sometime ago somewhere. Um.. I think he plays baseball too.
100) Curt Schilling, SP: Oh, what the hell.
A guy who's still proven he's a darn good player at his old age but had an injury last year. When healthy, and he is, can be a DAMN good player in your rotation. But I don't really care about things like stats and how a guy plays or anything.
109) Craig Counsell, UT: Is he Punch or Judy?
What does this even mean? I think it should be illegal to be retarded AND on drugs AND write things that people believe as legitimate
114) Daryle Ward, 1B/OF: After two standout pinch-hitting seasons, regressed to a .216 average last year.
After two season where he did well I'm going to point out a random meaningless statistic to prove he's bad in his third season
119) Bob Howry, RP: SIGNED The Giants bolster their bullpen, signing the 35-year old to a one-year, $2.75 million deal
The Giants bolster their bullpen by signing a guy I clearly think is crap because I put him so low.
120) Doug Mientkiewicz, 1B: Showed tremendous plate discipline with 44 walks to 28 strikeouts, even if all his power is sapped
Bad Jeff Passan! Bad! No! Go treats for you! Doug Meintekghytlkgwzzcsks sucks.
125) Julian Tavarez, RP: Hey, he’s always up for throwing at batters, if nothing else.
Um.. he wants to play baseball. Hey, so do I! I guess I'm on this free agent tracker thing too!
Let's take a moment to look at this:
87) Trever Miller, RP: SIGNED The left-handed specialist got a $500,000, one-year deal from the Cardinal
128) Casey Fossum, RP: He could be an effective lefty specialist (.674 OPS vs. .920 against righties)
Both guys, according to Passan's logic, are good against lefties. That's it. Yet, there's a 41 ranking gap in between them? Good job buddy. Good job.
OK, back to the list!
142) Mike Timlin, RP: Wait. He’s really not Bob Howry’s twin?
OMG, an intentional joke by Passan!
161) Scott Podsednik, OF: Gone is his speed on the basepaths and range in center field. Which renders him … a minor leaguer.
Gone, or rather never there, was his ability to get on base and hit for power. Any power. Ever.
Everyone past 161 should read, and granted essentially does, "He sucks but he's a free agent so I'm obligated to put him on this list on every single available free agent"
I hate Jeff Passan so freaking much!
Showing posts with label Jeff Passan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jeff Passan. Show all posts
I Hate Jeff Passan Too
Let's take a look at his reasoning behind why free agents are good
13) Bobby Abreu, OF: Six straight 100-RBI seasons is impressive, but the disappearing walk total last year is a little disconcerting.
So basically, he was good because he played for the Yankees and was able to bat in a line up full of All-Stars so, if you get Abreu on your team, I guess he'll suck. Of course, Abreu was AWFUL because of his disappearing walk total and didn't do anything else
15) Oliver Perez, SP: The grand mystery of the Class of ‘09: Is he the guy who thoroughly dominates one start, or the one who looks Triple-A bound the next?
Will he pitch well or won't he? I don't know but I sure love this analysis.
21) Jon Garland, SP: The archetype is-what-he-is pitcher – gives up lots of hits, strikes out no one but logs a guaranteed 200 decent innings.
A guy who sucks but stays healthy while he sucks
25) Joe Crede, 3B: A little high for someone with chronic back issues, but he’s only 30 and plays Gold Glove-caliber defense when healthy.
A guy who can play well when healthy but he is not healthy so he can't play well. But because he played well once before when he was healthy, he's a good player
32) Garret Anderson, OF: He still will hit .300 with 15 home runs, not take any walks and look like Grandpa Abe Simpson when he’s running.
Yes! A guy who can't walk and with no power! This is just what my teams needs!
39) Mark Grudzielanek, 2B: High batting average and above-average fielding make up for Grudzielanek’s lack of power and patience.
The two fundamentals that make a great player: the ability to be discipline at the plate and to hit for power. I'm pretty sure absolutely nothing makes up for a player who can't hit and can't walk.
Let's take a break for a second. At least Jeff Passan has gone this far without making any reference to our favorite player David Eckstein.
47) Paul Byrd, SP: The pitcher equivalent to David Eckstein – and 26 spots higher than Eckstein because pitching scrappiness yields league-average performance.
Oh shit. Nevermind.
48) Ray Durham, 2B: Can’t run much and is slow in the field, too, but high on-base percentage and doubles power make him a nice one-year fill-in.
He can walk and hit for some power. Fuck this guy sucks
54) Juan Uribe, 2B/SS/3B: Ability to play three positions and hit home runs – well, from 2004-07, at least – makes him worth the risk
You're right, his defense, and not the fact that he's one of the worst offensive players of all time, make him worth maybe someone picking him up
59) Mark Kotsay, 1B/OF: He doesn’t cover much ground in center field and doesn’t hit enough to play first regularly. Nonetheless, good-guy reputation will help him land a solid gig.
He's a terrible player but he's really really nice but let's give him a million dollars or two
65) Will Ohman, RP: Workhorse’s 83 games pitched ranked second in baseball in 2008.
He can pitch.... and well.. um.. he's a pitcher.. and um.. he can throw a ball
67) David Weathers, RP: Still an effective right-handed reliever – and a rare one that gets out lefties, who had a .635 OPS against him in 2008.
He's a guy that can get out both righties AND lefties (so basically EVERYONE). Let's drop him to #67.
71) Kevin Millar, 1B: Pulled off the rare 20-homer, sub-.400 slugging percentage season, achieved this decade by such luminaries as Richie Sexson, Tony Batista and Uribe.
If Jeff Passan really just running out of free agents at this point?
73) David Eckstein, SS/2B: Shopping himself as a second baseman, so he can look like only a half-wimp on his throws to first base.
So basically David Eckstein just sucks? Why can't you say that? Why can't you say he sucks? But apparently his pitching counterpart is good?
74) Mark Prior, SP: Hey, Wood stayed healthy for an entire year
A former teammate did something so maybe Mark Prior can do something as well
Ok, well, Jeff Passan has officially pissed me off too much that I'm not even going to bother making fun of 75 to.. 183! Holy shit! If he's pulling off this shit analysis at 74 I can't imagine him doing another 109 players. Fuck you Jeff Passan. Fuck you.
13) Bobby Abreu, OF: Six straight 100-RBI seasons is impressive, but the disappearing walk total last year is a little disconcerting.
So basically, he was good because he played for the Yankees and was able to bat in a line up full of All-Stars so, if you get Abreu on your team, I guess he'll suck. Of course, Abreu was AWFUL because of his disappearing walk total and didn't do anything else
15) Oliver Perez, SP: The grand mystery of the Class of ‘09: Is he the guy who thoroughly dominates one start, or the one who looks Triple-A bound the next?
Will he pitch well or won't he? I don't know but I sure love this analysis.
21) Jon Garland, SP: The archetype is-what-he-is pitcher – gives up lots of hits, strikes out no one but logs a guaranteed 200 decent innings.
A guy who sucks but stays healthy while he sucks
25) Joe Crede, 3B: A little high for someone with chronic back issues, but he’s only 30 and plays Gold Glove-caliber defense when healthy.
A guy who can play well when healthy but he is not healthy so he can't play well. But because he played well once before when he was healthy, he's a good player
32) Garret Anderson, OF: He still will hit .300 with 15 home runs, not take any walks and look like Grandpa Abe Simpson when he’s running.
Yes! A guy who can't walk and with no power! This is just what my teams needs!
39) Mark Grudzielanek, 2B: High batting average and above-average fielding make up for Grudzielanek’s lack of power and patience.
The two fundamentals that make a great player: the ability to be discipline at the plate and to hit for power. I'm pretty sure absolutely nothing makes up for a player who can't hit and can't walk.
Let's take a break for a second. At least Jeff Passan has gone this far without making any reference to our favorite player David Eckstein.
47) Paul Byrd, SP: The pitcher equivalent to David Eckstein – and 26 spots higher than Eckstein because pitching scrappiness yields league-average performance.
Oh shit. Nevermind.
48) Ray Durham, 2B: Can’t run much and is slow in the field, too, but high on-base percentage and doubles power make him a nice one-year fill-in.
He can walk and hit for some power. Fuck this guy sucks
54) Juan Uribe, 2B/SS/3B: Ability to play three positions and hit home runs – well, from 2004-07, at least – makes him worth the risk
You're right, his defense, and not the fact that he's one of the worst offensive players of all time, make him worth maybe someone picking him up
59) Mark Kotsay, 1B/OF: He doesn’t cover much ground in center field and doesn’t hit enough to play first regularly. Nonetheless, good-guy reputation will help him land a solid gig.
He's a terrible player but he's really really nice but let's give him a million dollars or two
65) Will Ohman, RP: Workhorse’s 83 games pitched ranked second in baseball in 2008.
He can pitch.... and well.. um.. he's a pitcher.. and um.. he can throw a ball
67) David Weathers, RP: Still an effective right-handed reliever – and a rare one that gets out lefties, who had a .635 OPS against him in 2008.
He's a guy that can get out both righties AND lefties (so basically EVERYONE). Let's drop him to #67.
71) Kevin Millar, 1B: Pulled off the rare 20-homer, sub-.400 slugging percentage season, achieved this decade by such luminaries as Richie Sexson, Tony Batista and Uribe.
If Jeff Passan really just running out of free agents at this point?
73) David Eckstein, SS/2B: Shopping himself as a second baseman, so he can look like only a half-wimp on his throws to first base.
So basically David Eckstein just sucks? Why can't you say that? Why can't you say he sucks? But apparently his pitching counterpart is good?
74) Mark Prior, SP: Hey, Wood stayed healthy for an entire year
A former teammate did something so maybe Mark Prior can do something as well
Ok, well, Jeff Passan has officially pissed me off too much that I'm not even going to bother making fun of 75 to.. 183! Holy shit! If he's pulling off this shit analysis at 74 I can't imagine him doing another 109 players. Fuck you Jeff Passan. Fuck you.
I Think Jeff Passan Has Jason Giambi Confused With Corey Patterson
Bored before work today, I was browsing through Yahoo! Sports' "Ultimate Free-Agent Tracker." Among the many Free Agent "summaries for dummies," I came across this strange ranking:
"31) Jason Giambi, DH: After years as a bust, he could prove a power-hitting bargain to a team in need of a designated hitter."
If you (or Jeff Passan, for that matter) were to in fact click the given link, you would find the following batting statistics for Jason Giambi as a Yankee:
2002: 1.034 OPS (172 OPS+), 41 HR, 109 BB, 689 PA
2003: .939 OPS (148 OPS+), 41 HR, 129 BB, 690 PA
2004: .721 OPS (90 OPS+), 12 HR, 47 BB, 322 PA
2005: .975 OPS (161 OPS+), 32 HR, 108 BB, 545 PA
2006: .971 OPS (148 OPS+), 37 HR, 110 BB's, 579 PA
2007: .789 OPS (108 OPS+), 14 HR, 40 BB, 303 PA
2008: .875 OPS (128 OPS+), 32 HR, 76 BB, 565 PA
Putting his two injured half seasons (2004, 2007) aside, Jason Giambi played five "full" (545+ PA's) seasons for the Yankees, only OPS-ing below .930 once (last year, with a league-worst .875 OPS). In fact, if you were to take out Giambi's terrible first month start from his final season stats in 2008, in his worse full season with the Yankees, Giambi would have put up a horrible .904 OPS (485 PA). If you were to even combine Giambi's two injured half-seasons into a single full season and expect "production" from him, he still would have had an OPS+ of 101, 1% better than the MLB average, in his worse "full season" as a Yankee.
So please, Jeff Passan, explain to me how a guy who hit an average of 35 HR's a season (1 less than Mark Teixeira's career season average), walked 100+ times a season and OPS-ed .961 when healthy (.926 overall) for the Yankees was a "bust." Are you trying to say that Giambi wasn't as good at ages 30-37 as he was when he was 26-29 and on steroids? Does that even count as an argument?
EDIT 1: I was looking over Giambi's stats and noticed his seven year Batting Average for the Yankees was approximately .250. Perhaps Passan, who clearly doesn't understand the important statistics in baseball, thought that batting .250 (despite a .400+ OBP) makes one "bad." But then I remembered this article Jeff Passan wrote a few months ago. Surely Passan cannot think that Giambi is a "bust" because of his .250 BA because he was just raving about Ryan Howard, who hit .250 (and had an OPS only 5 points higher than Giambi's 2008 OPS) last year. So what in the fuck is Jeff Passan talking about???
EDIT 2: Come to think of it, you know who else has a career OPS of .926 or higher? Only 40-other players. Hank Aaron and Frank Robinson had career OPS's of .926. In fact, Giambi's career OPS ranks top 30 in MLB history, ahead of Willie Mays, Shoeless Joe Jackson, Edgar Martinez, David Ortiz, Carlos Delgado and Albert Belle. Giambi basically has the same career OPS as Ty "Wife Beater" Cobb. Pretty fucking exclusive company, if you ask me.
At this point, I demand an apology for the time you made me waste thinking about this all day.
"31) Jason Giambi, DH: After years as a bust, he could prove a power-hitting bargain to a team in need of a designated hitter."
If you (or Jeff Passan, for that matter) were to in fact click the given link, you would find the following batting statistics for Jason Giambi as a Yankee:
2002: 1.034 OPS (172 OPS+), 41 HR, 109 BB, 689 PA
2003: .939 OPS (148 OPS+), 41 HR, 129 BB, 690 PA
2004: .721 OPS (90 OPS+), 12 HR, 47 BB, 322 PA
2005: .975 OPS (161 OPS+), 32 HR, 108 BB, 545 PA
2006: .971 OPS (148 OPS+), 37 HR, 110 BB's, 579 PA
2007: .789 OPS (108 OPS+), 14 HR, 40 BB, 303 PA
2008: .875 OPS (128 OPS+), 32 HR, 76 BB, 565 PA
Putting his two injured half seasons (2004, 2007) aside, Jason Giambi played five "full" (545+ PA's) seasons for the Yankees, only OPS-ing below .930 once (last year, with a league-worst .875 OPS). In fact, if you were to take out Giambi's terrible first month start from his final season stats in 2008, in his worse full season with the Yankees, Giambi would have put up a horrible .904 OPS (485 PA). If you were to even combine Giambi's two injured half-seasons into a single full season and expect "production" from him, he still would have had an OPS+ of 101, 1% better than the MLB average, in his worse "full season" as a Yankee.
So please, Jeff Passan, explain to me how a guy who hit an average of 35 HR's a season (1 less than Mark Teixeira's career season average), walked 100+ times a season and OPS-ed .961 when healthy (.926 overall) for the Yankees was a "bust." Are you trying to say that Giambi wasn't as good at ages 30-37 as he was when he was 26-29 and on steroids? Does that even count as an argument?
EDIT 1: I was looking over Giambi's stats and noticed his seven year Batting Average for the Yankees was approximately .250. Perhaps Passan, who clearly doesn't understand the important statistics in baseball, thought that batting .250 (despite a .400+ OBP) makes one "bad." But then I remembered this article Jeff Passan wrote a few months ago. Surely Passan cannot think that Giambi is a "bust" because of his .250 BA because he was just raving about Ryan Howard, who hit .250 (and had an OPS only 5 points higher than Giambi's 2008 OPS) last year. So what in the fuck is Jeff Passan talking about???
EDIT 2: Come to think of it, you know who else has a career OPS of .926 or higher? Only 40-other players. Hank Aaron and Frank Robinson had career OPS's of .926. In fact, Giambi's career OPS ranks top 30 in MLB history, ahead of Willie Mays, Shoeless Joe Jackson, Edgar Martinez, David Ortiz, Carlos Delgado and Albert Belle. Giambi basically has the same career OPS as Ty "Wife Beater" Cobb. Pretty fucking exclusive company, if you ask me.
At this point, I demand an apology for the time you made me waste thinking about this all day.
