Help A Football Player In Need

Hat tip to Cubsfan4ever for directing this open letter to my attention:

My friends,

Since September 11, 2001, Americans have come together as never before in
our generation. We have banded together to overcome adversity. We have
weathered direct attacks on our own soil, wars overseas,
corporate/government scandal, layoffs, unemployment, stock price plunges,
droughts, fires, mad cow, SARS, high gasoline prices, and a myriad of
economic and physical disasters both great and small. But now, we must come
together once again to overcome one of our greatest challenges yet.

Hundreds of Professional Football players in our very own nation are going
to be locked out, living at well below their seven-figure salary level. And
as if that weren't bad enough they could be deprived of their life
sustaining pay for several months, possibly longer, as a result of the
upcoming lockout situation. But you can help!

For only $27,080 a month, about $902.75 a day (that's less than the cost of
a large screen projection TV), you can help an NFL player remain economically
viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the
problem as it barely covers the annual minimum salary, but it's a start, and
every little bit will help!

Although $900 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a football player
it could mean the difference between spending the lockout golfing in Florida
or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, nine hundred dollars is nothing more
than a month's rent, a mortgage payment, or a month of medical insurance,
but to a football player, $900 will partially replace his daily salary.

Your commitment of less than $900 a day will enable a player to buy that
home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or
enjoy a weekend in Rio.

HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?

Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player you
sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate,
and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Plus, upon
signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of the
player lounging during the lockout on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean
(for a signed photo, please include an additional $150). Put the photo on
your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples' suffering.

HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING?

Your NFL player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to
help in a time of need. Although the player won't know your name, he will be
able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator in case
additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses.

Remember, a lifestyle is a horrible thing to waste...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
YES, I WANT TO HELP!

I would like to sponsor a locked out NFL player. My preference is (check
below):

[ ] Offense [ ] Defense [ ] Special Teams [ ] Entire team

Please charge the account listed below $902.75 per day for the duration of
the lockout. Please send me a picture of the player and my very own Roger
Goodell (NFL Commissioner) pin to wear proudly on my hat (include $80 for
hat).

Your Name: ____________________Telephone Number: ___________________
Account Number: __________________ Exp.Date:_______

[ ] Master Card [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other

Signature: _______________________

Alternate card (when the primary card exceeds its credit limit):
Account Number: _______________________ Exp.Date:_______
[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other

Signature: ______________________

Archer March Madness: The Winner (Part One)

So its the beginning of May, and sure I've neglected GOI and have stopped posting, but before the professional basketball season ends and now that I am done studying for the day, I think it's time to finally post the winner of the best Archer quote as voted on by you the fans.

And the winner is...

Drum roll please....

......

and just for funsies

......

LANA, THE HELIUM!

As of the writing of this post "Lana, The Helium" (the #2 overall seed) beat out "DANGER ZONE" (the #1 overall seed) by a vote of 7-5

Seeing as I am not in my apartment I can not post the bracket at this time, but that will come soon (cross your fingers) in part two.

Once I finish law school within a few weeks I hope to only post but do more wacky brackets and maybe do another version of my top TV characters dot dot dot

Archer March Madness: Final Game

The top two overall seeds advance to the final game

Funny Fantasy Baseball Team Names

NOTE: Last UPDATED on 4/15/11

Latos Intolerant
Dude Looks Like An 80
No One Man Should Have All That Mauer
Derek Holland’s OPS
The Scioscial Network
Morneau After Pill
Explosive Renteria
LaPorta Pottie
Votto-erotic Asphyxiation
Sweet 'n Mauer Sauce
Choo Girls, One cup
2 Burrells, 1 Cup
I Don’t Practice Renteria
Domi Arigato Mr. Delgado
The Randy Winners
WHIPlashed
The Good The Vlad and The Uggla
The Price Is Wright
Lugo My Eggos
Cust in the wind
I am the great Cornholio! I need TP for my Pujols (Beavis and Butthead reference)
Third Degree Byrnes
The Chan Ho Trailer Park
Joaquim Benoit Balls
Jay Bruce Almighty
We Kill You Before Youkilis
Good Morneau America
You Say Tomato, I Say Tabata
Take Maholm Tonight
Tejada They Come, Tejada They Fall
Gagne Withaspoons
Lawn Mauers
Victorino is Mine
Insane Clown Posey
Cano U Didn’t
Next of Kinsler
Hasidic RBIs
Cuddyer Straits
I Feel Randy after I Winn
Kinsler's List
Ianetta U A Sweater
Huston we have a problem
Vernon Down the House
Just Doumit
Duchscherer Bags
Joba Doba Dooooo
Grace's Slump Busters
Ned Yost Infections
Sexual A-Saltalamaccia
Grant Ball Four
Bartolo Colonoscopy
Aaron Harangitang
Bartolo Cologne
Paul Molitor Lizard
Fukudome? Fukudoyou!
Personal DeJesus
The Stench Of Bartolo's Colon
Sperm Dempster
Soria Bout The Herpes
Take It In The Pujols
I'm Chuck James, Bitch!
Brains Before Braun
Porn Maggs
Jeter Jeter, Pumpkin Eater
Delusions of Granderson
Honey Nut Ichiros
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince Fielder
Swish or Swallow?
Happy Halladays
Ellsbury Doughboys
The Braun Supremacy
Green Eggs and Hamilton
Millar Time
You Don’t Mess with the Johan
It Byrnes When I Peavy
Pedroiaphile
RBI'd 4 Her Pleasure
McGlovin
WHIPs & Chains
For What It's Werth
Black Sabathia
While My Guitar Gently Weeks
Magic Carpenter Ride
Don't Bring Me Downs
You Shook Me All Night Longoria
Johan Santana featuring Rob Thomas
Zack and Miri Make a Morneau
Jeters never prosper
Nomar Mr. Nice Guy
You Down with OBP?
Mahatma Gagne
Doumit and Doumiter
Well Dunn
Jizz In My Pence
Gagne West
Infante's Infants
FIP'ed In My Pants
Safe or Out. Make Your Joyce.
Votto You Doing?
Pedroia's Destroyas
Over the (Aaron) Hill
Do or Dye
Milton Bradley. Ages 8 and Under.
I Left My Heart In Ben Francisco
Garret Jones' Diary
FELIZ Navidad
C.Hamels Toe
A Priest, A Rabbi and A Minister Walk into Aybar
Hakuna Tejada
Napoli Dynamite
Miguel Should Have Called a Cab(rera)
Make Love, Not WAR
The Haren the Tortoise
Ellsbury My Heart At Wounded Knee
Thelma and Ruiz
Nightmare On Huston Street
Arod In Her Mclouth
Too Much Borbon, I'll Call A Cabrera
Stubbs Hub
O's Before Hoes
My Wieters Longoria Than Yours
The Devil Wears Prado
Inglourious Bedards
Inglorious Bastarados
Highway to Hellickson
Jews For DeJesus
Kershawcalypse
60 Feet 6 Inges
In Case Of Emergency, Use (Matt) Stairs
Hi Ho Silva
Kevin Cash Considerations
Angels Acquire Vernon Wells
Chone of the Dead
Heyward Jablowme
The Howie Kendrick Experience
Always Wear Clean Hunter Pence
Billy Beane is not My Lover
Farnsw0rthl3ss
Prom Night Dempster Babies
Tulowit 2 Quit
Huff the Magic Dragon
Bust A Capps in Yo Ass
From Dusk Till Braun
The Cahills Have Eyes

Which are your favorites?

Final Four of March Madness: Archer Quotes Edition

"Obviously the core concept" is like VCU- they go from the play-in game to the final four. All four final four quotes (which should be no surprise) comes from Sterling Archer and three out of the four quotes are in the best Archer episode: Skytantic.



Now time to vote for the Final Four!

Legal Fantasy Baseball Team Names

I can't sleep, so here are some some fantasy baseball team names that involved legal jargon I've been musing about. Some are better than others; make suggestions in the comments.

• Habeas CORPAS
  
• De Novotto Review
• Quid Pro Kuo
• Caveat Kemptor
• Per Quade
• Cliff Appellee
• Wright To Remain Silent (or sub any other "Constitutional Wright")
• Fi-Duchsch-iary Obligations
  
• Longoria Arm Statutes
• Lessoria
• Locus in Kuo
• Gideon v. Wainwright
• Juan Miranda v. Arizona (he was traded to Dbacks in the offseason)
  

Round Two of March Madness: Archer Quotes Edition

Here's round two, let's get voting!



Please vote only once per division

ISIS Division



ODEN Division



KGB Division



German Hitman Division

Gilbert Gottfried Is Hilarious

Just further proof that Sexy Rexy's sense of humor is questionable:

Round One of March Madness: Archer Quotes Edition

By a whooping three votes to one the quote "Obviously the core concept" by Sterling Archer beat out "So don't be surprised if you find yourself eating a whole bunch of spiderwebs" by Archer in the play-in game. This landslide victory makes sense considering the 'core concept' quote probably shouldn't have even been in the play-in game as evidenced by the fact that I have made the quote a 3 seed.

You can view the full bracket below (click to enlarge)



Sterling Archer by far and away leads this list with one liner quotes considering (A) he's the star of the show and (B) most of the funny stuff said by the other cast members are either not one liners or set ups to Archer's one liners.

Here's a breakdown of quotes by character and episode

CHARACTERS
- Sterling Archer: (12)
- Malory Archer: (1)
- Pam: (1)
- Nikolai Jackov: (1)
- Ray Gillette: (1)

EPISODES
- Skytantic (4)
- Pilot (4)
- Swiss Miss (2)
- Diversity Hire (1)
- Dial M For Mother (1)
- The Double Deuce (1)
- A Going Concern (1)
- Multiple Episodes (2) ("Danger Zone" and "Sploosh" appear in more than one episode)

It should be no shock that Skytanic and the pilot have the most quotes because they have been the two funniest episodes of the series

AND NOW, TIME TO VOTE!
Please cast two votes per each four question poll so you should have voted on eight total quotes. Please only vote for one 1/4 seed quote and one 2/3 seed quote.

ISIS Division



ODEN Division



KGB Division



German Hitman Division



Some other funny quotes/ one-lines from Season Two that didn't make the bracket

- Malory: Immigrants. Cramming their low riders full of free health care and... snow

-Archer: She doesn't look like she's just turning 17.
Lana: No, she looks like she's just turning 18.
Archer: Exactly. Plus Europeans use the metric system...

- Cheryl: So, Krieger's a doctor.
Cyril: Not the medical kind!
Krieger: Not even the other kind... technically.

-Flight Attendant: Sir, can you please find your seat?
Archer: Uh yeah, it's right there. Can you go find some more hurricanes for me?

-Archer: Because I told you to buy lemon curd, Woodhouse. Now what am I going to spread on my toast? Your tears?

-Cyril: I have one bullet left.
George Spelvin: He does?
Archer: Who am I? Count Bulletsula? Like Dracula. That was bad. Come back to me. I can do better

-Trinet: What are you going to do with [the wee baby Seamus]?
-Archer: I don't know?... What's he in to?

-Trinet: You can't tattoo a baby!
Archer: That's what the tattoo guy said. I had to slip him an extra hundred bucks!

March Madness: Archer Quotes Edition

March Madness and the NCAA basketball tournament is upon us, so of course it's time for some fake bracket stuff. Friend of the blog D.B. had a genius idea- to create a NCAA bracket style tournament full of Archer quotes. And considering Archer was the comedy that the Game Of Inches fans voted was the best comedy currently airing, why not do this.

I considered expanding this bracket to 32 quotes, and it's entirely possible to come up with 15 more quotes (and not have the play in game) but realistically voting on that many quotes is a huge freaking hassle. So D.B. and myself have limited the tournament to 17 quotes.

After hours of research, I have discovered a lot of funny dialogue and lines that are funny, but need a step up to them so sadly they were dismissed. This tournament is limited solely to one liners. (I included the set up to one of the "play-in games" below just to have the quote originally make more sense, but the Archer response is a funny line in and of itself).

If you do not watch Archer, please do not vote. And also go out and start watching Archer. For starters though, feel free to vote for the play-in game.

I have also posted the 16 team bracket. I won't make the bracket "official" until the play-in game has been decided. I'm still open to hearing argument about the ranking of quotes and which quotes should be left on or off. But keep in mind, I'm only using 15 more quotes and there are funny lines that I have left off; inevitably there will be funny lines not included in the bracket. Also, I am known for getting quotes wrong so if you have found that I have mangled a quote, please tell me before I make the bracket official.

(Click to enlarge)


If you need clarification on the origin of the quote, just let me know.

And now, let the voting begin!

If I Could Turn Back Time: Oscars Editions

I was listening to a recent Bill Simmons podcast where he joked that like all Hall Of Fame voting, there needs to be a waiting period between when the movie comes out and when people actually get to vote on the Oscar nominations. Obviously this will never happen, but there's plenty of truth to this sentiment. After watching last Sunday's Oscars and seeing The Social Network getting fucked in the ass like a Hugh Grant hooker by The King's Speech, I'm really sick of the politicking that goes on in Hollywood for what wins and what does not.

Now I fully realize that my cries will fall on deaf ears. Not only is one blogger (who writes for a blog that no one reads) going to change anything, but like everything in life, the Oscars are driven by money. They need an award show to appeal to the masses. They nominate movies in order to help those movies make money. What can I say though, I have a great medium to bitch, so bitch I shall.

Part of the reason the Oscars are this way is because that's how it's always been. The format for nominating movies, the way the award ceremonies go, and even what type of hosts and speeches should be performed. It's all essentially more of the same.

Well that's not an acceptable excuse here at Game Of Inches (and really shouldn't be an acceptable excuse anywhere). Whether it's the way we look at baseball and football statistics or the way we look at the Oscars and its ceremony. If the old way of doing things is not the best result, then the old way of doing things should not be done.

Did Hugh Grant ever have anal sex with a prostitute? I don't know. Anyways, here's a list of the films and nominees that got screwed out of awards at the time and with the ability of foresight, we can now saw the Academy got it wrong.

BEST MOVIE

1941
What Should Have Won: Citizen Kane
What Did Win: How Green Was My Valley

1964
What Should Have Won: Dr. Strangelove
What Did Win: My Fair Lady

1971
What Should Have Won: A Clockwork Orange
What Did Win: The French Connection

1977
What Should Have Won: Star Wars
What Did Win: Annie Hall

1979
What Should Have Won It: Apocalypse Now
What Did Win: Kramer vs. Kramer

1980
What Should Have Won: Raging Bull
What Did Win: Ordinary People

1990
What Should Have Won: Goodfellas
What Did Win: Dances With Wolves

1994
What Should Have Won: (1a) The Shawshank Redemption, (1b) Pulp Fiction
What Did Win: Forrest Gump

1996
What Should Have Won: Fargo
What Did Win: The English Patient

1997
What Should Have Won: Good Will Hunting
What Did Win: Titanic

1998
What Should Have Won: Saving Private Ryan
What Did Win: Shakespeare In Love

2008
What Should Have Won: The Dark Knight*
What Did Win: Slumdog Millionaire

2009
What Should Have Won: Inglorious Basterds
What Did Win: The Hurt Locker

I will say that between The Hurt Locker and Avatar, I'm super glad The Hurt Locker took it, but I can't believe how screwed Tarintino was in 2009

2010
What Should Have Won: (1a) The Social Network (1b) Inception
What Did Win: The King's Speech


There are definitely more films that got screwed (especially movies from 2001-2010) but up above were a few I found the most egregious.

Some other notables that got "screwed'. These are films that got left off of the All-Star team and I wish they made it on but I'm content with them being left off: There Will Be Blood (2007), Mystic River (2003), The Sixth Sense (1999), E.T. (1982), Jaws (1975), Dog Day Afternoon (1975), Chinatown (1974), The Exorcist (1973), The Graduate (1967), To Kill A Mockingbird (1962), 12 Angry Men (1957), Sunset Blvd (1950), and The Maltese Falcon (1941) (has the unfortunate luck (for the sake of this post) to go up against the greatest movie ever made in Citizen Kane. Also goes to show you what a crock it was for How Green Was My Valley to win anything).

BEST DIRECTOR

1941
Who Should Have Won: Orson Wells (Citizen Kane)
Who Did Win: John Ford (How Green Was My Valley)

SIDENOTE: I get upset nowadays with Oscar voters but one thing that's just unacceptable was how screwed Citizen Kane was during the 1941 Oscars. You may not have liked the movie, the movie may not even hold up anymore, but the reason films and movies and directors do what they do today was because of Orson Wells and Citizen Kane. Wells revolutionized film making and I have to imagine people who saw the movie at the time realized the great piece of cinema that is Citizen Kane- and yet snubbed it.

1960
Who Should Have Won: Alfred Hitchcock (Psycho)
Who Did Win: Billy Wilder (The Apartment)

1963
Who Should Have Won: Federico Fellini (8 1/2)
Who Did Win: Tony Richardson (Tom Jones)

1968
Who Should Have Won: Stanley Kubrick (2001: A Space Odyssey)
Who Did Win: Carol Reed (Oliver!)

1971
Who Should Have Won: Stanley Kurbick (A Clockwork Orange)
Who Did Win: William Friedkin (The French Connection)

1972
Who Should Have Won: Francis Ford Coppola (The Godfather)
Who Did Win: Bob Fosse (Cabaret)

1980
Who Should Have Won: Martin Scorsese (Raging Bull)
Who Did Win: Robert Redford (Ordinary People)

1994
Who Should Have Won: Quentin Tarantino (Pulp Fiction)
Who Did Win: Robert Zemeckis (Forrest Gump)

While I absolutely still think Taratino should have won this award no matter what, it's a damn travesty that Frank Darabont didn't even get a directing nod for The Shawshank Redemption.

1996
Who Should Have Won: Joel Coen (Fargo)
Who Did Win: Anthony Minghella (The English Patient)

1997
Who Should Have Won It: Gus Van Sant (Good Will Hunting)
Who Did Win It: James Cameron (Titanic)

2009
Who Should Have Won: Quentin Tarantino (Inglorious Basterds)
Who Did Win: Katheryn Bigelow (The Hurt Locker)

2010
Who Should Have Won: David Fincher (The Social Network)
Who Did Win: Tom Hooper (The King's Speech)

There are some other notables that I think deserved to win but them losing the Oscar really wasn't THAT big of a deal. I personally think Jonathan Dayton and Valarie Faris (Little Miss Sunshine) had the best directed movie in 2006 but at that point in time, because the Oscar's were so dumb and Scorsese hadn't yet won an Oscar, it had to go to him. Plus, Dayton and Feris weren't nominated.

Other notables who got "screwed": Ridley Scott (Black Hawk Down, Gladiator), David Lynch (Blue Velvet, Mulholland Drive, The Elephant Man), M. Night Shyamlan (The Sixth Sense), Martin Scorsese (Raging Bull, Casino, Goodfellas, Gangs Of New York), Francis Ford Coppola (Apocalypse Now), Sidney Lument (Dog Day Afternoon, Network, The Verdict), P.T. Anderson (There Will Be Blood, Boogie Nights*), Robert Altman (Short Cuts, Nashville), Darren Aronofsky (Requim For A Dream*, The Wrestler*) and Christopher Nolan (The Dark Knight*, Inception*, Memento*, Batman Begins*, The Prestige*) who has never even gotten a best director nomination.

*Not nominated

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum

A conversation with a friend earlier today sparked a thought. Let's compare the Matt Holliday and Jayson Werth contracts.

CONTRACT VALUE

• Matt Holliday: $120M/7 yrs ($122M in 2010 dollars)
  
• Jayson Werth: $126M/7 yrs

WAR VALUE IN ONE/TWO/THREE/FOUR SEASONS PRIOR TO CONTRACT

• Matt Holliday: +5.6/+11.3/+18.4/+22.4
  
• Jayson Werth: +5.0/+9.9/+15.0/+18.2
  

AGE WHEN CONTRACT WAS SIGNED

• Matt Holliday: 29
  
• Jayson Werth: 31

WAR CHART BY PRODUCTIVITY


WAR CHART BY AGE


Yeah. I think the Nationals overpaid a bit. I think these guys would agree.

Brian McCann's Strange Contract Clause

So I was doing some payroll analysis on Cot's Contracts and while looking at the Atlanta Braves, I stumbled across the bizarre contract of catcher Brian McCann. In 2007, McCann signed a 6 year/$26.8 million dollar deal covering the 2007-2012 seasons with a $12 club option for 2013. The final guaranteed year of the contract, 2012 ($8.5 million), however, becomes a "club option" rather than a guaranteed year if, and I quote Cot's here, "McCann fails to win specified awards 2007-2011."

Weird right? Especially since "McCann may earn additional $3M in 2012 based on Gold Gloves, Silver Sluggers & All-Star selections in 2007-11."

Stolen Goods: How far will $11 get you at Taco Bell

How far will $11 get you at Taco Bell? It's not baseball (or sports) related, but it is on a baseball blog. Too bad the article does not use food WAR (calories over replacement meal), which is an awesome stat to say the least.

Definitely worth a read.

Blake Griffin: The Narrow World of Sports

You can't patent this idea, but click here for some hilarious humor involving some NBA guy or something. I don't know. It's not baseball.

Is it baseball season yet?

Is Cliff Lee A Top Five Starting Pitcher?

A friend of mine and myself were at a bar about a week or so ago and got into a pretty heated, but interesting debate that I would like to extend to the rest of the internet and blogosphere: is Cliff Lee a top five starting pitcher in the major leagues? Clearly he is the top crop pitcher of the FA pool, but is he one of the five best in all of baseball? My friend says yes, and I say no, though I feel Lee is top ten.

Here is my list of the top fifteen starting pitchers in baseball (based on age, talent and durability -- salaries are ignored):

1. Felix Hernandez
2. Tim Lincecum
3. Roy Halladay
4. Adam Wainwright
5. C.C. Sabathia
6. Josh Johnson
7. Jon Lester
8. Cliff Lee
9. Jered Weaver
10. Justin Verlander
11. Ubaldo Jimenez
12. Dan Haren
13. Francisco Liriano
14. Max Scherzer
    
15. Mat Latos (yes, I really believe he is that good)
    

What do you think? Am I just "being irrational" because "I hate good players" or is Cliff Lee indeed overvalued? Is Cliff Lee a top five starting pitcher? Who are your top ten?

Leave the answers in the comments section.

Not Sports Related!

So I was bored and wrote this parody of Bohemian Rhapsody titled "Obamian Rhapsody." Enjoy it. Particularly to the Muppets Version of the song.


Is this the real life?
This must be fantasy
He won in a landslide
To take the presidency
Open your eyes
To his useless policies

He's just a fall guy
Communist puppetry
Corrupt as they come, ask Resko
Tax them high, tax them more
Anyway the economy goes
Money doesn't matter
To him

Obama,
Just passed a bill
To give us all health care
But it leaves no cash to spare
Obama,
My career had just begun
But now you've gone and taxed my whole salary

Obama,
Ooh (don't regret him)
Didn't mean to vote you in
I won't repeat that sin again tomorrow
Carry on, carry on
Money doesn't matter

Too late,
His bills have passed
He was wrong about Iran
Now they've got a nuke in hand
Take note, everybody
He's got to go
Gotta wake the liberals up to the truth

Obama
Oooooooh (where'd the votes go)
I'm not conservative
But sometimes I wish I'd never voted for him at all

[Guitar Solo]

I see a little silhouetto of a promise
He lied to you, he lied to you, did you really believe him
World peace, no tax increase? None of it ever fooled me
(Abraham Lincoln) Abraham Lincoln (Abraham Lincoln) Abraham Lincoln, Abraham Lincoln's cabinet my a-a-a-a-a-ass

I didn't do it, blame G.W.B.
Just like Jimmy Carter, poor foreign policy
Spare us this prophet of the democrat party

Easy come, easy go, will you let him go?
Wish me luck!
No, we will not let him go
Let him go
Wish me luck!
We will not let him go
Let him go
Wish me luck!
We will not let him go
Let him go (Will not let him go)
Let him go (Will not let him go)
(Never, never, never, never)
Let him go, o, o, o, o No, no, no, no, no, no, no (Obama mia, bama mia)
Obama Mia, let him go
Harry Reed has the devil put aside for me, for me, for me!

So you think you think you're entitled to my money?
Do you think you can take my vote and then just lie?
Ohhhhh, bama, you can't do that Obama
Just go back to, just go back to Hawaii bitch

[Guitar Solo] (Oooh yeah, Oooh yeah)

Money doesn't matter
Fuck the economy
Money doesn't matter
Money doesn't matter to him

2005-2007 Movie Reviews

Few may know this, but before I began my career as David "MVP" Eckstein, I worked for two and a half years as the lead film critic for a newspaper. From 2006-2008, I saw almost every movie that was released in theaters -- at least ones I wanted to see. I accidentally uncovered an old list of movie star ratings of films released between 2005-2007 and thought I might publish them here, for general review. You will find them below.

2005 Film Reviews:

AEON FLUX (2005, zero stars)
A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE (2005, three and a half stars)
BATMAN BEGINS (2005, three and a half stars)
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN (2005, three stars)
BROKEN FLOWERS (2005, four stars)
CAPOTE (2005, three and a half stars)
CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY (2005, three stars)
CINDARELLA MAN (2005, one star)
CRASH (2005, one star)
DARK WATER (2005, one star)
DEVIL'S REJECTS (2005, three stars)
DUKES OF HAZZARD (2005, one half star)
EVERYTHING IS ILLUMINATED (2005, three stars)
FANTASTIC FOUR (2005, zero stars)
FUN WITH DICK AND JANE (2005, one and a half stars)
GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK (2005, four stars)
HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE (2005, three stars)
HIDE AND SEEK (2005, zero stars)
HOUSE OF WAX (2005, one star)
HUSTLE AND FLOW (2005, three stars)
JARHEAD (2005, zero stars)
JUNE BUG (2005, three and a half stars)
KINGDOM OF HEAVEN (2005, three stars)
KING KONG (2005, two stars)
LAND OF THE DEAD (2005, three stars)
LORD OF WAR (2005, three and a half stars)
MADAGASCAR (2005, one star)
MAN WITH THE SCREAMING BRAIN (2005, three stars)
MATCH POINT (2005, four stars)
ME AND YOU AND EVERYONE WE KNOW (2005, four stars)
MR. AND MRS. SMITH (2005, two and a half stars)
MRS. HENDERSON PRESENTS (2005, three and a half stars)
MUNICH (2005, four stars)
PRIME (2005, three and a half stars)
RED EYE (2005, two and a half stars)
ROBOTS (2005, one and a half stars)
SAW II (2005, two stars)
SIN CITY (2005, four stars)
SQUID AND THE WHALE (2005, three and a half stars)
STAR WARS EPISODE III: REVENGE OF THE SITH (2005, three and a half stars)
THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN (2005, four stars)
THE AMNITYVILLE HORROR (2005, one star)
THE BROTHER'S GRIMM (2005, two stars)
THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE LION THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE (2005, one and a half stars)
THE CONSTANT GARDENER (2005, three and a half stars)
THE CORPSE BRIDE (2005, three stars)
THE DUKES OF HAZZARD (2005, zero stars)
THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY (2005, two and a half stars)
THE ICE HARVEST (2005, three stars)
THE INTERPRETER (2005, two stars)
THE ISLAND (2005, three stars)
THE MATADOR (2005, two and a half stars)
THE PRODUCERS (2005, one and one half stars)
THE WEATHER MAN (2005, four stars)
UNLEASHED (2005, three stars)
USHPIZIN (2005, three and a half stars)
WAITING... (2005, three stars)
WALK THE LINE (2005, three and a half stars)
WALLACE AND GROMMIT IN THE CURSE OF THE WERE-RABBIT (2005, four stars)
WAR OF THE WORLDS (2005, zero stars)
WEDDING CRASHERS (2005, one and a half stars)
WOLF CREEK (2005, zero stars)
YES (2005, three stars)

_______________________________________________________________________


2006 Film Reviews:

A PRARIE HOME COMPANION (2006, four stars)
A SCANNER DARKLY (2006, three and a half stars)
ALPHA DOG (2006, three stars)
AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH (2006, three stars)
APOCALYPTO (2006, three stars)
ART SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL (2006, four stars)
BABEL (2006, three and a half stars)
BARNYARD: THE ORIGINAL PARTY ANIMALS (2006, one half star)
BEERFEST (2006, three stars)
BLACK CHRISTMAS (2006, one and a half stars)
BLOOD DIAMOND (2006, three stars)
BORAT! (2006, three stars)
BRICK (2006, three stars)
CARS (2006, two stars)
CASINO ROYALE (2006, three and a half stars)
CHILDREN OF MEN (2006, four stars)
CLERKS II (2006, three stars)
CLICK (2006, one half star)
CRANK (2006, two and a half stars)
DEJA VU (2006, two stars)
DREAMGIRLS (2006, three and a half stars)
FAST FOOD NATION (2006, THREE STARS)
FEARLESS (2006, three stars)
FLUSHED AWAY (2006, three and a half stars)
FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION (2006, THREE AND A HALF STARS)
FRIENDS WITH MONEY (2006, three stars)
GRANDMA's BOY (2006, three stars)
HOODWINKED (2005, two stars)
HOSTEL (2006, three stars)
INSIDE MAN (2006, two and a half stars)
KEEPING UP WITH THE STEINS (2006, three stars)
LITTLE CHILDREN (2006, four stars)
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE (2006, three stars)
MARIE ANTOINETTE (2006, four stars)
MIAMI VICE (2006, three stars)
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE III (2006, two and a half stars)
MONSTER HOUSE (2006, three stars)
MY SUPER EX-GIRLFRIEND (2006, two and a half stars)
NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM (2006, two stars)
NOTES ON A SCANDAL (2006, three and a half stars)
PAN'S LABYRINTH (2006, four stars)
PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN (2006, three and a half stars)
ROCKY BALBOA (2006, one half star)
SAW III (2006, one half star)
SCARY MOVIE 4 (2006, two and a half stars)
SCOOP (2006, three and a half stars)
SLITHER (2006, three stars)
SNAKES ON A PLANE (2006, three stars)
SUPERMAN RETURNS (2006, three stars)
STRANGER THAN FICTION (2006, three and a half stars)
STRANGERS WITH CANDY (2006, three stars)
TALLADEGA NIGHTS: THE BALLARD OF RICKY BOBBY (2006, one star)
TENACIOUS D IN THE PICK OF DESTINY (2006, one and a half stars)
THANK YOU FOR SMOKING (2006, three stars)
THE BLACK DAHLIA (2006, two stars)
THE DA VINCI CODE (2006, one and a half stars)
THE DEPARTED (2006, three and a half stars)
THE DESCENT (2006, two stars)
THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS: TOKYO DRIFT (2006, two stars)
THE FOUNTAIN (2006, three and a half stars)
THE HILLS HAVE EYES (2006, three and a half stars)
THE ILLUSIONIST (2006, four stars)
THE LAKE HOUSE (2006, two and a half stars)
THE LAST KING OF SCOTLAND (2006, three stars)
THE LAST KISS (2006, three stars)
THE LOST CITY (2006, three stars)
THE NIGHT LISTENER (2006, one star)
THE PAINTED VEIL (2006, four stars)
THE PRESTIGE (2006, four stars)
THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS (2006, three and a half stars)
THE QUEEN (2006, three stars)
THE WOODS (2006, three stars)
TURISTAS (2006, zero stars)
V FOR VENDETTA (2005, one and one half stars)
VOLVER (2006, four stars)
WHEN A STRANGER CALLS (2006, one half star)
X-MEN: THE LAST STAND (2006, two stars)

_______________________________________________________________________


2007 Film Reviews:

1408 (2007, three stars)
28 WEEKS LATER (2007, three and a half stars)
300 (2007, three stars)
3:10 TO YUMA (2007, four stars)
30 DAYS OF NIGHT (2007, one and a half stars)
ACROSS THE UNIVERSE (2007, three and a half stars)
AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE COLON MOVIE FILM FOR THEATERS (2007, three stars)
AMERICAN GANSTER (2007, four stars)
BALLS OF FURY (2007, three stars)
BENEATH THE MASK (2007, two and a half stars)
BREACH (2007, three stars)
BUG (2007, two stars)
CHARLIE WILSON'S WAR (2007, three stars)
DEAD SILENCE (2007, four stars)
DEATH PROOF (2007, three stars)
DEATH SENTENCE (2007, four stars)
EASTERN PROMISES (2007, four stars)
GHOST RIDER (2007, two stars)
GONE BABY GONE (2007, four stars)
GRINGHOUSE (2007, three and a half stars)
HALLOWEEN (2007, one and a half stars)
HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX (2007, three stars)
HOT FUZZ (2007, three stars)
HOT ROD (2007, three stars)
I AM LEGEND (2007, two and a half stars)
I KNOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK AND LARRY (2007, three stars)
JUNO (2007 , four stars)
KNOCKED UP (2007, four stars)
LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD (2007, three stars)
MICHAEL CLAYTON (2007, three and a half stars)
MR. BROOKS (2007, three stars)
NATIONAL TREASURE: BOOK OF SECRETS (2007, one and a half stars)
NEXT (2007, one half star)
NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN (2007, four stars)
PARIS, JE T'AIME (2007, three stars)
PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN: AT WORLD'S END (2007, two stars)
PLANET TERROR (2007, four stars)
RATATOUILLE (2007, three and a half stars)
REIGN OVER ME (2007, three and a half stars)
RENO 911!: MIAMI (2007, three stars)
RESCUE DAWN (2007, three stars)
RESIDENT EVIL: EXTINCTION (2007, zero stars)
SHOOTER (2007, three stars)
SHREK 3 (2007, one half star)
SICKO (2007, three and a half stars)
SMOKIN' ACES (2007, two and a half stars)
SUNSHINE (2007, two stars)
SUPERBAD (2007, four stars)
SWEENEY TODD: THE DEMON BARBER OF FLEET STREET (2007, three and a half stars)
THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM (2007, two and a half stars)
THE COMEBACKS (2007, three stars)
THE DARJEELING LIMITED (2007, four stars)
THE HILLS HAVE EYES 2 (2007, one and one half stars)
THE HOAX (2007, two and a half stars)
THE KINGDOM (2007, three and a half stars)
THE KITE RUNNER (2007, three and a half stars)
THE LAST MIMSY (2007, one half star)
THE MIST (2007, three stars)
THE NUMBER 23 (2007, two stars)
THE ORPHANAGE (2007, four stars)
THE SIMPSONS MOVIE (2007, three and a half stars)
TRANSFORMERS (2007, two and a half stars)
WALK HARD (2007, four stars)
WE OWN THE NIGHT (2007, two stars)
YOU KILL ME (2007, two stars)
ZODIAC (2007, two stars)

Concentra Urgent Care Facility & Bar

Only in Wisconsin can you find an urgent care health facility which is literally connected to a bar (click image to enlarge):

What Is Randy Johnson Doing Now?