Final Words On The Cutler Situation

I had a grade 2 sprain of my shoulder just 7 months ago playing basketball. Not only was it extremely painful, to the point where I couldnt even lay down in bed without scorching pain, but it felt like the entire left side of my body was disconnected. Putting on a shirt was impossible, let alone trying to outrun the greatest athletes on earth.

Cutler got hurt getting tackled by 2 Packers in the endzone on an incompletion with 4:06 left in the 1st half- I looked it up on my Tivo. He played 2 more series that half, got a pain killer over halftime, and tried playing one more series to start the 2nd half. To sprain the MCL, a person needs to get hit on the lateral side of the knee to create the tension medially. Most athletes experience the so called "unhappy triad", a sprain to the ACL, MCL, and medial meniscus. Luckily, Cutler only hurt the MCL and will not require surgery and a lengthy rehab process.

Just because Cutler doesnt care about you, the media, it doesnt mean he doesn't care about his job or the fans. We can't all be as fake as Tim fucking Tebow.

I Stabbed A Man In The Heart

And so did Wellington Castillo apparently. I guess that's one way to guarantee a spot on the roster. First Colvin, now Soto is having season ending shoulder surgery, jezz this guy wont stop. But seriously, a very scary situation in yesterday's 13-3 Cubs win over the Fish as Castillo's bat shattered on a double down the line, hurling the fat part of the bat like a giant dart. Of course the pointed end of the dart hits the board, and so did the pointed end of the broken bat into a unsuspecting Colvin standing at 3rd. 2 inches away from his heart the bat actually pierced his thoracic cavity. Little blood came out, as most of the vasculature transverses the neck, but he did rip a hole in his pleural space creating a pneumothorax. The pleural space has negative pressure relative to the atmosphere such that it allows the lungs to inflate like a balloon. Allowing atmospheric air into the space equilibrates the pressures making breathing kinda impossible on that side of the lung. He was taken to the Miami hospital and stabilized overnight. Colvin is apparently recovering nicely, though his baseball season is certainly over.

This marks the first time I have seen a player hit with the pointed edge of the bat. Bats shatter multiple times a game, and often go flying into the stands where people are either drunk or not playing attention. It's really scary to think what would have happened if the bat flew a couple inches higher. The neck has no ribs to protect it, such that the vascular and neurological damage it would have caused makes me nauseous at the thought alone

It reminds of me another freakish injury. Yes, the injury is epic, but not as epic as the analysis

Ricky Nolasco Inducted Into Sammy Sosa's "Hall Of Weird, Funny And Dumb Baseball Injuries"

The South Sun Florida Sentel is reporting that Ricky Nolasco's season may be over after sustaining "a 'medium' tear to the meniscus ligament in his right knee" while tying his shoe.

Why the Marlins would not make up a less embarrassing reason for the injury is beyond me, but with this injury, Ricky Nolasco joins the infamous annuls of "embarrassing ways baseball players have injured themselves." I dub this place Sammy Sosa's "Hall Of Weird, Funny And Dumb Baseball Injuries." Click the name links for more information.

1. Joel Zumaya injured his arm while playing guitar hero.
2. Adam Eaton stabbed himself with a knife while trying to open a DVD.
3. Brandon Inge, a power hitter, injured himself lifting a pillow.
4. Glenallen Hill, who once hit a 900 hundred foot home run at Wrigley, cut and banged him himself up good while sleepwalking into a glass table and then falling down a staircase while dreaming about spiders.
5. Pitcher Steve Sparks once tried to rip a phone book in half at a motivational seminar. The only thing he inspired was a DL stint.
   
6. This is less a bizarre injury type, so much as a hilarious injury comment. Pitcher Dizzy Dean was once beaned in the head by a line drive and given x-rays. Said Dean: "they took X-rays of my head and found nothing."
7. Outfielder Marty Cordova once fell asleep in a tanning bed. Boy was his face red.
8. Superhero leadoff man Rickey Henderson did a lot of funny things in his career (i.e., checking into hotels under the names "Richard Pryor" and "James Brown"), but he was not laughing when he was frostbit as a result of falling asleep with an icepack on his leg while treating an ankle injury.
   
9. Hunter Pence once injured himself running into a glass sliding door. To be fair however, it's happened to the best of us (sometimes twice).
10. Nolasco is not the only baseball player who sustained a bizarre injury this season. Kendy Morales was hurt while jumping for joy following a walk off grand slam. Chris Coghlan (also of the Marlins) was injured pie-ing Wes Helms in the face.
    
11. Red Sox Pitcher Clarence Blethen once bit himself in the ass. According to WEEI.com (which lists a handful of other weird/funny Boston sports injuries in this article),

    "Blethen didn’t have many teeth and he figured that he could use that to his advantage. When on the mound, he would take out his fake teeth and put them in his back pocket, intimidating the batter (at least in theory). The story goes that one game, he forgot to take them out of his back pocket when he was running the bases, and he slid into second to break up a double play with the teeth still in the pocket. Blethen would have to be taken out of the game because he literally bit himself in the butt. He wouldn’t pitch again in the majors for another six years."

12. John Smoltz once burnt himself ironing a shirt . . . that he was wearing.
    
13. Detroit pitcher Matt Anderson hurt his armpit in an silly Octopus-throwing promotion to win Red Wings tickets. He was never the same.
    
14. Ryan Dempster broke his toe (and those of millions of Cubs fans) when he attempted to leap over the dugout railing. This is almost as embarrassing as when Carlos Zambrano injured himself checking his email. Check out Dempster's name link for more bizarre Cubs-related sports injuries.
    
15. Wade Boggs injured himself removing his beloved cowboy boots.
    
16. Moises Alou injured himself when he ran over his own son with a bike (while recovering from a knee injury, no less).
    
17. Charlie Hough broke his pinky "pinky swearing."
18. Milton Bradley was injured while regular swearing. Bradley suffered a season-ending knee injury (ACL tear) while being restrained from going at it with Umpire Mike Winters by Padres manager Bud Blac.
19. Mark Smith injured his hand by placing it inside an air conditioner to check why it wasn’t working. This one, along with Oddibe McDowell's roll-buttering finger cut, are Darwin Award bad.
    
20. Speedster Vince Coleman, who has a special place in TBO's heart, was injured during game 4 of the 1985 NLCS when his leg was run over by the tarp rolling machine.
    
21. And of course, who could forget the infamous Sammy Sosa, who hurt his back sneezing during the disastrous 2004 season. Mat Latos also accomplished this feat earlier this year, but sneezing injuries are so six years ago.
22. Russell Branyan missed some time after falling out of his chair at a pizza joint trying to pick up a flip flop.
    

An honorable mention goes out to Jeff Kent, who claims he was injured in 2002 while "washing his truck." I put that in quotes, and Kent only gets an honorable mention here, because it is widely believe that the true cause of Kent's injury was doing wheelies on his motorcycle.

If you enjoyed this article, you may also enjoy reading about some of baseball's top pranks.