What Consistutes A Sport?

This has been a question passed on through the ages. I was listening to the Carmen, Yurko, and Harry discuss this today because 59 year old Tom Watson almost won the British Open, so if a guy that old almost won a major golf event, is gol really a sport? Well, I am here to help answer that question. If something is to be considered a sport, it must fulfill all three of these qualifications:

1) It must be a skilled activity

This is of course very broad. A lot of things are skilled activity like poker, chess, and lumberjack rolling. However, this is the simplest base to set up the other two qualifications. This is also the qualification ESPN uses to show ANYTHING at 2 am

"Sports" Now Excluded
None

2) The activity must require athletic ability that limits regular people from doing it

Now what specifically constitutes "athletic ability" is purposefully vague. I do this on purpose because there are certain activities like baseball and golf that many people may not require the physical effort like soccer or basketball, but certainly requires a great deal of physical strength. Even big fat Bartolo Colon and Sidney Ponson have to have a certain degree (albeit very small) of athletic ability to be able to throw a baseball as hard as they do. It also takes a lot of strength to hit a golf ball as hard as people like Tiger Woods hit it. There's a reason the vast majority of people on the PGA tour are in very good shape.

The "limits regular people from doing it" can also be translated very loosely but I will explain what I mean. First, I mean from doing it professionally. I could probably spend a little bit of time if I wanted to learning how to play Texas Hold 'Em or chess. But I can't really teach myself how to throw an 80+ mph fastball and locate it. I also can't go out and teach myself how to jump a ramp on my bike or hit a golf ball 250 yards. These are athletic abilities that requires years of training just to become average.

This line is also meant to include age as an factor. As you grow older, obviously your body starts deteriorating. This means that you should lose your athleticism as you grow older. Even 40+ year old pitcher aren't the same as they were when they were 20. So when a 59 year old man goes out and almost wins a "sport" and remains competitive, that means that the activity is not excluding "regular people from doing it"

"Sports" Now Excluded:
-Golf
-Chess
-Poker (of any sort)
-Polo
-Hunting
-Billiards
-Bowling
-Boating
-Trampolining
-Archery
-Table Tennis
-Curling
-Car Racing
-Fishing
-Frolf
-Jew Frolf

Now for the final and most important point

3) You must be able to affect your opponents play during the activity

This means every single sport that is judged, is out. This also excludes a lot of Olympic games and a lot of physical activities that many people thought were sports. If you disagreed with my point of contention about golf in the last point, there's no disagreeing with this point. If you can not affect how your opponent plays their activity and your opponent is allowed to do their activity whatever it is they'd like to, then this activity absolutely, positively, is not a sport.

"Sports" Now Excluded
-Synchronized Swimming
-Any swimming
-Diving
-Track and Field
-Weightlifting
-Irish Dancing (sorry Colleen)
-Any dancing
-Mountaineering
-Surfing
-Anything in the X-Games
-Bobsledding

So now you may ask, "since you've essentially excluded everything in the Olympics, what is a sport?" Well here's the official list of everything that is a sport:
-Baseball
-Basketball
-Football
-Hockey
-Cricket
-Field Hockey
-Boxing
-Soccer
-Fencing
-Lacrosse
-Rugby
-Softball (barely)
-Jai Alai
-MMA or any other combat
-Volleyball
-Tennis
-Squash

Now don't get me wrong, just because something isn't technically a sport does not mean it's not hard and just because someone does something isn't a sport doesn't mean it's players aren't athletes. It just means it's not "technically" a sport. We may colloquially say those activities are sports, but they are really not.

So I don't care if you disagree with me on this, you're wrong.