Showing posts with label Big Fat Bartolo Colon. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Big Fat Bartolo Colon. Show all posts

The Big Fat Bartolo Colon All-Stars


Baseball is a sport of athletes, but some players did not get the memo. Players like Big Fat Bartolo Colon. Guys who play the game with big hearts and bigger stomachs. There's only enough food in the clubhouse for one of them (see Brewers, 2008). Together, these players forge "The Big Fat Bartolo Colon All-Stars." Each is weighed in Pounds Per Inch (PPI).

C: Pablo Sandoval (5-11/246 >> 3.46 PPI)
1B: Prince Fielder (5-11/268 >> 3.77 PPI)
2B: Ronnie Belliard (5-10/212 >> 3.03 PPI)
SS: Juan Uribe (6-0/230 >> 3.19 PPI)
3B: Miguel Cabrera (6-4/240 >> 3.16 PPI)
RF: Carlos Lee (6-2/240 >> 3.24 PPI)
CF: Andruw Jones (6-1/240 >> 3.29 PPI)
LF: Matt Stairs (5-9/215 >> 3.12 PPI)
DH: Dmitry Young (6-2/298 >> 4.03 PPI)

SP1-C.C. Sabathia (6-7/290 >> 3.67 PPI)
SP2-Carlos Zambrano (6-5/255 >> 3.31 PPI)
SP3-Joe Blanton (6-3/252 >> 3.36 PPI)
SP4-Sidney Ponson (6-1/258 >> 3.53 PPI)
SP5-Bartolo Colon (5-11/245 >> 3.45 PPI)
RP-Bobby Jenks (6-3/275 >> 3.67 PPI)
CL-Jonathan Broxton (6-4/294 >> 3.87 PPI)

Manager: Lou Pinella

In total, this team would weigh 4,058 pounds. The average player weight is 253.63 pounds, while the average player PPI is a whopping 3.45. By contrast, David Eckstein's PPI is 2.64.

MLB Fatty All-Stars (25 man roster)

Halfway into a post about who has the worst facial hair in MLB history, I discovered that some blog already did the "Worst Facial Hair All-Stars"...thus was born this list.

C--Geovany Soto
C--2006 Pudge Rodriguez
1B-Prince Fielder
2B-Dan Uggla (yeah, it's all muscle, but he's still a big guy!)
SS-Edgar Renteria
3B-Kevin Youkilis
MI-Luis Castillo
MI-Miguel Tejada
CI-Dmitry Young
LF-Manny Ramirez
CF-Andruw Jones
RF-Carlos Lee
OF-Jack Cust/Vernon Wells
DH-Jim Thome
PH-Ryan Howard
SP-Carlos Zambrano
SP-C.C. Sabathia
SP-Bartolo Colon
SP-Sidney Ponson
SP-Carlos Silva
RP-David Weathers
RP-Bobby Jenks
RP-Jonathan Broxton
LOOGY-Scott Eyre
CL-Heath Bell

Big Fat Bartolo Colon's Mysterious Disappearing Act

Stop me if you've heard this one before, but White Sox starting pitcher Bartolo Colon, the world's fattest man, is missing...again. How the hell do you lose track of a 300+ pound man with a horrible wannabe porn mustache? It's called Google Earth. Look for a giant blob that can't pitch. It's probably Bartolo Colon (or Jeff D’Amico).