FJM: Gilbert Arenas Edition

ESPN.com has the hilarious details of Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton western style stand-off

An argument commenced during a card game on the team's overnight flight back to Washington from Phoenix on Dec. 19 and escalated into a heated exchange between Arenas and Crittenton.

A "heated exchange" is defined as a couple swears and maybe a chest bump. Once someone takes out a pistol, it officially escalates to the "mo fo's got a gun" category.

Arenas placed three guns he owns on a chair near Crittenton's locker stall and invited him to pick one before practice on Dec. 21. Sources said that Crittenton subsequently let Arenas know that he had his own gun.

He really is Agent Zero! Got guns and everything. Only in the NBA are all disputes solved through the exchange of weaponry. "Dude, so sorry for sleeping with your wife. Let me make it up for you. Here's a bazooka."

Arenas and Crittenton pulled guns on each other over a gambling debt during the pre-practice confrontation at the Verizon Center.

Jordan was a notorious gambler. I wonder how many times he needed to pull out the semi-automatic to "resolve" his gambling debts. Rumor is that MJ left basketball for 2 years because David Stern suspended him for gambling related activities. Clearly Stern packs more heat than his airness.

Quoted Arenas as saying, "That's not the real story." The newspaper also reported that the argument between Arenas and Crittenton was over "who had the bigger gun"

I'm pretty sure that argument happened in the shower after practice, so not technically a lie

Arenas may not play Saturday against the San Antonio Spurs because of soreness in his left knee

Errrrr, because he's being investigated by the FBI and NBA security for threatening to kill a guy. If charged with a fellony, the Wizards may be able to void Arena's untradeable $111 million dollar contract. The Wiz should really go back to being called the Bullets. It's more politically correct

Arenas was right after all, "Impossible is nothing...if you got guns to back you up". I wonder if Arenas was packing heat when I saw him at the airport in Washington this past summer

Vicente padilla Cheddar Bob'ed himself

Vicente Padilla shot himself in the leg in Nicaragua while trying to chase down his plantation slaves..errr..hunting. No charges are expected to be issued against Padilla, which is good considering Ugueth Urbina is still in prison for his "hunting" mishap. Honestly, I dont want to live in a world where athletes dont shoot themselves in the leg. It's as American as apple pie. Or as Mexican as taco bell. Or as Russian as vodka. You get the point

Delonte West forgot the bullett-proof vest

Delonte West obviously learned nothing from the Maurice Clarett arrest back in the day. No, not that it's wrong to drive around at night with guns and booze, but if you're gonna do it, do it right. Be safe and put on a bullett-proof vest.

Who in their right mind would get on a motorcycle in the middle of the night with a handgun in the pocket, pistol in the pantleg, and a shotgun in an empty guitar case over his shoulder and not wear a bullett-proof jacket? Clearly West is still an amateur when it comes to the whole fully loaded, drive-by, massacre scene. Really, what could West possibly need an arsenal of weapons in suburban Maryland? When I think of Maryland, gang banging is the last thing that comes to mind. I know Ray Lewis lives in Maryland, but he killed that dude, allegedly, during the super bowl in Miami. Also Michael Phelps is from Maryland, and he's a super douche, but the worst he has ever done is give VD to half the strippers in the state.