While I am not the biggest fan of Grantland.com, I love the fake fantasy games the site sets up. Bill Simmons has been talking for years about different fantasy leagues besides fantasy sports. I think his number one league he wants to set up is a fantasy tits league just so he can draft Mad Men's Christina Hendricks number one. The recent fantasy league he proposed was Worst Quarterback League. This is a league where you get points for having a quarterback be so terrible. Simmons also added points for off-the-field issues as well such as "150 points for having a quarterback's penis show up on a blog" and "Arrested 50 points". You can see exactly how the points are dispersed here.
I saw this article and thought it was genius, so I enlisted the help of fellow GOI authors Cubsfan4evr1 and The 'Bright' One along with practically-a-GOI-author and friend-of-the-blog Dan Bennett and the winner of the GOI fantasy football league last year Steve Anderson and set this league up!
We just had our draft today (1. Because stupid Grantland couldn't have made an article about this league, I dunno, for that entire five week stretch where football hadn't started yet and 2. Nobody was ever going to take Green Bay or New Orleans anyways). Here is how the draft shook out
1. Carolina Panthers
2. Minnesota Vikings
3. Tennessee Titans
4. Detroit Lions
This past weekend I was out of town for my Cousin’s wedding and I checked my phone around 12:30 on Saturday to see a text from Sexy Rexy saying him and TBO want to do the Worst QB League today so they’re going to have a virtual draft via Google docs and that he knew I was out of town so I should just text him my picks. Well I never actually had a chance to read over the rules for the league from the article on Grantland.com he sent me with me being busy with work and stuff. I thought we were drafting players, it turns out we're drafting teams! Finally, I call TBO and he gives me the cliff note version in my little down time which he got the unfortunate experience to hear me debate about to take with my first pick, Cincinnati or Carolina. I was leaning towards Andy Dalton, but when I heard that rushing yards don’t count for that many positive points and if you don’t throw for enough receiving yards, you receive more negative yards I had to take Cam Newton and Jimmy Clausen. I was shocked to see that Newton through for over 400 yards when I got home Sunday night! Talk about a terrible first round pick in this type of league.
For my second and third pick I was debating between taking the Tennessee Titians with Matt Hasslebeck and the Minnesota Vikings with Donovan Mcnabb. Both QB's are average at best in this stage of their career and the question is which team if either would consider sitting one of them down for the rookie behind them if the team is going nowhere towards the end of the season to develop the young QB in the wings. If that is the case, the rookie QB would have some growing pains which would be good for this league. Then I found out I had two picks, so that made my decision easy and I took both teams! With my final pick (which turned out to be the final pick in the draft) all the good teams were left- so it was either Detroit or the Giants. I took Detroit because I don’t know if Stafford will be healthy. If he stays healthy for the entire season than I think Eli is the better pick, but that hasn’t happened that last two years, so I couldn’t take Eli even though he throws a lot of interceptions. We will see how these 4 teams do with me deciding on the fly..
1. Miami Dolphins
2. Oakland Raiders
3. Buffalo Bills
4. New York Jets
When I first told him about this league he originally wanted the San Francisco 49ers but considering their quarterback is from Michigan (Bennett's from Michigan State) and a terrible professional quarterback, I guess D.B. couldn't resist.
The 'Bright' One
1. Washington Redskins
2. Indianapolis Colts
3. Denver Broncos
4. Philadelphia Eagles
Considering he actually helped me set this league up today, sat in for the entire draft, and even wrote a post already on this league he can write his own write up!
But real quick here is the reason he gave for drafting the Philadelphia Eagles
look at the scoring system and look at vicks history. turnover machine, with a criminal past. i love vick, but this competition suites him too well. Also he will get destroyed at least once and have to miss 4 gamesI personally would have taken either New York team, but that's just me. And considering TBO is the one advocating for starting all four of our teams every week (as he put it "if vick rapes a dog or something and it doesnt count, i would be quite pissed cause i benched him") let him because he'll lose so many points most weeks when Vick just goes off like he did versus the Redskins last year on Monday Night Football.
1. Seattle Seahawks
2. San Francisco 49ers
3. Cleveland Browns
4. Arizona Cardinals
I'm not going to put any words in Mr. Anderson's mouth, so no comment on this one
1. Jacksonville Jaguars
2. Cincinnati Bengals
3. Chicago Bears
4. Kansas City Chiefs
Let me start off by justifying my Chicago Bears pick. As a Bears fan I love Jay Cutler and want him to succeed so bad. But he's still a turn over machine, this line is terrible (you get points for criticizing your O-line and I hope he does that this year) and he's coming off of an off-season where half of the NFL called him a pussy. Plus, look at the last round of players. With Kansas City taken with my wrap around with Chicago so I essentially took those two teams together, there was really no one else to take except for Chicago.
Jacksonville was my number one team on my board and Cincy was up there so I'm excited I got those two teams with my first pick. Andy Dalton and Cincy have a bottom three receiving corps along with a rookie quarterback (and the #1 team drafted in the Grantland league). Jacksonville was #1 on my board for many reasons a) Luke McCown wouldn't be a #3 QB on most teams depth charts b) With the release of David Garrard right before the season there's no way in hell any Jacksonville receiver had time to build chemistry and rapport with any quarterback and c) I can't wait to have Blaine Gabbert start games once Week 5 rolls around.
Lastly, I chose Kansas City with my last pick because a) let's be honest there really was nobody else b) Matt Cassel is already hurt and c) I think Cassel will have a bad year now that his schedule got really hard for him this season.
We will keep you posted throughout the year on how the league is shaping out!