Derek Jeter's half whiteness is better than your full whiteness

So the WBC has proven to be a highly skilled competition with unexpectedly good showings from Korea, the Netherlands, and even the US, but the broadcasting has been god awful. Rick Sutcliffe sounds like he's permanently drunk, with all the love and nostalgia he's been uttering the past week. I'm going to try to recap some of the bullshit i have heared recently.

1) On a sac fly by brian mccann, sutcliff honestly believed that the reason mccann went the other way to avoid a potential double play was because he had taken batting practice with derek jeter. See brian mccann knows nothing about the game of baseball, it's not like he's a 2 time all star or has a career 122 OPS+ as a catcher. He magically learned how to play the 'right way' by watching derek jeter perfect the opposite field flyout. Magic!

2) Today, sutcliffe brought up bobby abreu's reputation as a les a faire player. you know, boring stuff like running the count, walking, stealing bases at 80%, scoring and driving in 100 runs. boring stuff like that. He then reminded us all of the great derek jeter and when he went face first into a second row chair. No one remembers hideki matsui going face first into a comiskey seat. stucliffe then went on to name some random guys who he considers grindy grinders who play baseball the right way. The list included jeter, youkilis, pedroia, chipper jones.

Hence, my conclusion that only white guys are allowed to be grinders. Jeter's mom is white, and the mitochondria is only passed on by the mom, believe me, so jeter's motor is white. To recap, latin players are lazy bitches. White guys grind and win championships. Fuck Ryan Howard

3) Sutcliffe's partner, dave o'brien, brought up the JP Ricchiardi situation from last year when he basically called Adam Dunn a lazy fuck who didnt try and doesnt like baseball. He apparently hits 40 homers a year out of spite for the game. Instead of mentioning these little details, o'brien said the controversy between dunn and JP was mainly due dunn's strike out totals. Who is o'brien trying to protect by leaving out the part where Ricchiardi dissed dunn's entire career. He's obviously protecting ESPN and the WBC. Good thing he didnt bring up baseballs steroid era, cause he probably would have called it the flinstone vitamin era to save face.

4) Sutcliffe, in his drunked state, decided to entertain himself by rattling off wierd and unusual baseball injuries, something we love here at GOI. The only problem is that he got them all wrong. Most notably, he tried to remember why Joel Zumaya had to miss most of the past 2 seasons. Sutcliffe thought it was because he was carrying meat of some sort. No that would be Clint Barmes. Zumaya got hurt by excessively playing Guitar Hero till his forearm muscle died.

I know i'm supposed to be eternally grateful for sutcliffe's 16-1 record and cy young he won for the cubs in 1984, but it's not worth a lifetime of brain dead baseball announcing