Box Score Tonight: Week Eleven/Late and Night Games Edition

We'll begin just as soon as I play so poorly I get my head coach fired.

- Falcons destroy the Rams 34-17 and make a legitimate case that they are the best team in the NFC
- Matty Ice strikes again! 253 yards, 2 TDs, 0 INTs, 101.8 passer rating
- Michael "The Burner" Turner finally plays like the top five back that he should be: 28 carries, 131 yards, 4.7 YPC, TD
- Roddy White plays fine but Ryan spreads the ball around to Gonzalez and Michael Jenkins (for some reason)
- Sam Bradford sets a rookie record for most completions (169, haha "69") without an interception.
- As my odds show, Bradford is the favorite to win offensive rookie of the year and has a decently average game with his 84.7 passer rating
- Illinois Jerk Off Alert: Michael Hoomanawanui gets TD pass for go along with his 4 catches for 41 yards
- Bradford also spreads the ball around to probably the worst receiving corps in the NFL to Amendola, Robinson, Mikey H, and Gibson. These guys are so bad that their first names are not worth mentioning.
- Noleans Saints defeat the USC Seahawks 34-19
- I was wrong on my superstitious-Madden curse of Drew Brees. Sure he's throwing a bit more interceptions but he's still awesome: 382 yards, 4 TDs, 2 INTs, 106.9 passer rating
- Reggie Bush and Pierre Thomas still aren't back so Chris Ivory puts the running game on his back and actually gets it done: 99 yards (4.3 YPC) and a TD.
- After I declared I would never start Marques Colston in fantasy I have continued to start him and he's done amazing things: 8/11, 133 yards, 2 TDs
- Matt Hasselbeck had one of his up games thanks in large part to Mike Williams who caught six of his seven targets with 109 yards. Williams finally has a good fantasy day NOT against the Arizona Cardinals
- Marshawn Lynch (7 carries) continues to be an awful fantasy player and Justin Forsett (8 carries) is right behind him. In his extremely limited work Lynch gets 5.1 YPC.
- Tampa Bay is a top five NFC team (maybe 6) but I don't know why they were a three point dog at Candlestick against one of the worst teams in the NFC. Bucs defeat the 49ers 21-0.
- Josh Freeman didn't need to drive down the field late like he was a New York Jet to win this game. Freeman is a step above game manager and a step below Good Jay Cutler. 13 for 20, 136 yards, 2 TDs, 0 INTS, 117.9 passer rating
- LaGarrette Blount doesn't run that effectively (3.2 YPC) put puts up decent fantasy numbers with his 82 yards. Cadallic Williams was promoted from Skateboard Williams to '93 Nissan Williams after this game with 7.3 YPC and a TD
- Mike Williams doesn't need to be sober to catch all three of his targets for 54 yards and a score.
- After two good weeks, Troy Smith comes a bit down to Earth with his 51.5 passer rating. Fans of him will chalk this one up to "just one of those games". Haters of his will say this is true skill set. I am a fan of his.
- Frank Gore has an atrocious week- as evidenced by Troy Smith (45) getting more rushing yards (23) than him. He's still an integral part of the passing game.
- While Michael Crabtree is not Darrius Heyword-Bey bad, he's still pretty bad: one catch for 15 yards. He's also not Ted Ginn Jr. bad: 1 catch for 7 yards. Josh Morgan was the Gold Miners best receiver: 4/6, 51 yards.
- Aside from teams you're a fan of and follow, New England/Indianapolis is The Game Of The Year. It's always good, always fun to watch, most of the time has playoff seeding implications and probably the one game we can never send overseas because it's too important for us in America. So why the fuck was his only a normal Sunday afternoon game and not a prime time game!?
- New England scrapes by with a win against Indy 31-28 due to a very late interception by Peyton Manning.
- Peyton Manning is not the same Peyton of old. I don't buy "he has no receivers" argument for a second. Philip Rivers has NO receivers and he's setting records. Manning had no receivers last year and did great. His final numbers: 396 yards, 4 TDs, 3 INT. Great fantasy numbers but this was one game you had to watch and see Peyton be off his game.
- Blair White catches 2 TD passes late. Reggie Wayne is a stud as always: 8/11, 107 yards, TD. Donald Brown started this game and got 68 yards off of 17 carries (4.0 YPC). Edge's cousin gets 3 carries and no TDs.
- Tom Brady continues to put up numbers like he's Matt Cassel: 186 yards, 2 TDs, 0 INTs, 123.1 passer rating.
- Legal midget Danny Woodhead has a score and 69 carries (9.9 YPC). The Law Firm gets a score and 96 yards (4.6). Yeah, in case you weren't aware, the Colts rushing D sucks without Bob Sanders- which means the Colts rushing D sucks.
- Did you you the Pats had a LB in the early decade named Jarvis Green. Apparently the Pats liked him so much that they infused him "The Fly" style with a dude named Ben Ellis. And out came the superhero named BenJarvis Green-Ellis. Designed to stop crime, fight criminal defendants, and run over the Colts! Law Firm Powers Activate! Ho!
- There was only one true sentence in that last blurb. Can you guess which one it is?
- This week Aaron Hernandez and Wes Welker win the Belichick TD sweepstakes. Deion Branch leads all Pats receivers with 70 yards off of 7 catches.
- The Michael Vick Show continues as the Eagles defeat the Giants 27-17 to contend as the best team in the NFC
- Vick has just a decent game for him: 83.0 passer rating, 34 rushing yards and his only TD was a rushing one. He still doesn't have an interception on the season.
- LeSean McCoy makes his best case to be SOTY: 111 yards a a TD off of 11 carries.
- Jeremy Maclin does his best DeSean-Jackson-with-hands impersonation: 120 yards off of 9 catches. DeJackson does his best Jeremy Maclin impersonation: 50 yards off of 5 receptions.
- Eli Manning played awfully and I'm sure looked awful with his 3 interceptions and 53.5 passer rating.
- Ahmad Bradshaw shit a brick and did his best Jahvid Best impression: 29 carries off of 12 yards and a fumble
- Hakeen Nicks is now also injured for the next few weeks along with Steve Smith. Go Pokeyball Manningham Go! Nicks gets 65 yards off of 6 receptions and Mario Manningham gets 24 off of 3.
- Phillip Rivers is a beast among men and he's my personal choice to be MVP over Vick. He's setting record breaking numbers with NOBODIES and watch him and his Chargers make a late season playoff push like they always do.
- The Chaaaaaahhhgers defeat the pissy pants Josh McDaniels's 35-14 on Monday Night
- After the Chargers were up 35-7 in the 3rd I decided to watch reruns of How I Met Your Mother. What a great show that is.
- Malcolm Floyd, Mike Tolbert, Darren Sproles, Patrick Crayton, and Jacob Hester all get TDs. Boo hoo hoo Ryan Matthews. The Sproles, Floyd, and Crayton TDs were mainly the result of the receiver than Rivers, but whatevs.
- Rivers numbers on the night: 233 yards, 4 TDs, 0 INTs, 116.8 passer rating.
- Kyle Orton must have been drinking some Jack from his neck beard because he had just an alright day: 76.3 passer rating.
- Knowshon Moreno has a fine fantasy and reality day: 13 carries, 58 yards, 4.5 YPC, TD
- Illinois Jerk Off Alert: Brandon Lloyd continues to make me look like a genius: 6/9, 78 yards, TD

And we... are... OUT!
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