Box Score Tonight: Week Six/Early Games Edition

We at Game O Inches nevr clame to spel chek are worc

Let me start off by saying that the only football I watched today was the end of the Jets/Broncos game while on the treadmill. I spent the weekend at my alma mater (I think ONLY true GOI fans would guess/know/pull out of their ass which school that is. Speaking of true GOI fans, one of them told me this weekend that they prefer my BST over TBO's. So if the other four of you (rather three after DME accosted one of them in an earlier post) disagree, POLITELY disagree and maybe TBO can do some more now and again. Also my apologies on no FF rankings this week and little posting. I'll try to get better but this stupid law school thing is getting in the way.

Illinois Jerk Off Alert
- Rashard Mendenahll: 27 carries, 87 yards, TD
- Brandon Lloyd: 4/10, 74 yards, no TDs
- Arrelious Benn: 1/3, 9 yards, no TDs
- Michael Hoomaawoowowowowowowowiuiuiui: 1/2, 5 yards, no TDs

Regular Alert
- As always we'll start off with Chicago.
- The Jekyll and Hyde Seattle Seahawks defeat the Jekyll and Hyde Chicago Bears 23-20
- Devin Hester is back as an elite return man with his second kickoff/punt return for a TD this season.
- I still want Chester Taylor to get more work and he was the Bears leading rusher with 31 yards on four carries. But good lord was the rushing game bad/ inefficient/ nonexistent. Forte gets 11 yards on 8 carries for a pitiful 1.4 YPC but he gets a rushing TD. I was surprised to to learn he actually got it in the red zone. I guess it's the D'Angelo Hall effect where you get so many opportunities to get an interception (because everyone is passing on you) that you eventually get one or two INTs.
- I'm convinced that Jay Cutler is still concussed because even Derek Anderson can complete over 43.5% of his passes.
- Todd Collins can not.
- On the bright side Cutler didn't throw an interception. On the downside he didn't throw a TD either. At least I get the joy that my opponent in the 14 team GOI league started Cutler. I need to have some optimism after an abysmal performance, don't I?
- Speaking of the GOI league it looks like I will, for the third straight week, be the top points leader. EDITOR'S NOTE: I'm right now 2nd behind Cubsfan. I'm guaranteed to be on top of the Michelle Beadle division (as I beat first place/ GOI fan/ pre season division winner favorite Viking Quest and I'll be #1 overall if TBO can hold of 5-0 Swag On.
- To my dismay Marshawn Lynch still get 15+ carries. Justin Forsett gets 10. Like always, Forsett is the more productive back from a YPC standpoint (and yards) and both get rushing TDs.
- With Deion Branch traded away Mike Williams gets 123 yards on 10 catches (15 targets). Deon Butler gets Hasselbeck's lone passing TD. Golden Tate did the same as his fellow Notre Dame wide out alum Jeff Samardzija did this week. Nothing. (0 catches on 2 targets)
- I'm always a happy camper when I can use a Jeff Samardzija reference.
- I'm also ways a happy camper whenever the Packers lose as they did 23-20 to the hands of the Dolphins.
- Lynch goes to Seattle. Jerome Harrison goes to Philadelphia. I guess that means the Packers are super content on Brandon Jackson. How can they not be with his 12 carries for 52 yards and no TD performance. As talented as this team is on paper, I'm convinced this organization might be as well run as Chicago's.
- On a day where a lot of people (probably) benched Greg Jennings he goes off catching 6 out of his 7 targets for 133 yards and a TD.
- Aaron Rodgers completes only 54.5% of his passes and only throws one TD (mainly b/c of the awesomeness of Jennings). In the beginning of the season I ranked him as the 3rd best QB playing the game. Cubsfan ranked him #1. He's now shown to me he's out of the top 5 (Although clearly still top 10).
- I asked Cubsfan to rank RBs for me fantasy-wise for this week. He put Ronnie Brown in the top five. I yelled at him for that. 73 yards on 19 carries and no TDs. Still better than Ricky Williams. This week.
- Forgetting Brandon Marshall does what he does best: 10 catches for 127 yards (Granted also on 17 targets). I don't know if dropping Davone Bess in the GOI league was a good idea seeing as he got 9 targets, 5 catches, and a TD (Granted only 37 yards)
- Chad Henne is Chad Henne is Carson Palmer
- San Diego loses to St. Louis 20-17. Don't worry Chargers fans, they'll win their last eight games as always. Although this year it might not be enough with KC playing the way they are.
- Sam Bradford had a bad fantasy day, a decent reality day and not the worst drafting decision the Rams have made in recent years. Assuming that Swiss Cheese/ Chicago Bears O-line can keep Bradford somewhat healthy, he could be really good really soon.
- Steven Jackson is Steven Jackson is 2008 Ryan Grant. It should not take 29 carries for any NFL running back to barely get over 100 yards.
- The Rams have a whole bunch of receivers I've never heard of. One of them played for U of I (sort of) and another one gets a TD. Whoopie.
-Ryan Matthews has a bad fantasy day 64 yards and no TDs but a good reality day with a 5.3 YPC.
- Patrick Crayton comes alive like a zombie movie catching 6 out of his 7 passes for 117 yards. Next week someone will pull a Shawn Of The Dead and cut his head off with a record.
- New England has replaced Baltimore as an elite team because they defeated them 23-20. In overtime. Another 3 point win and another 23-30 win out of the four games I just mentioned.
- Baltimore is the 4th best team (3 elite AFC teams) and better than any team in the NFC still.
- Brandon Tate does what everybody thought he would do with Randy Moss gone and gets 98 yards and catches 9 out of his 12 passes with a TD. Oh wait, by Brandon Tate I mean Deion Branch. Tate doesn't catch any of his 4 targets but has a 22 yard run. Get more rushing yards than The Law Firm (BenJarvis Green-Ellis) who got 20 on 10 carries. Danny Woodhead gets the most carries (11), rushing yards (63), and doing everything.
- Ray Rice gets 28 carries. And pulls a Matt Forte (first name that came to mind. Maybe Brandon Jackson would be more appropriate?) by only gaining 88 yards with a 3.1 YPC.
- Derrick Mason gets 100 yards on 8 receptions. Anquan Boldin gets 63 yards and a TD on 6 receptions. Todd Heap gets 49 yards and a TD on 3 receptions. Suck to be you T.J. Houshmandzadeh!
- Remember that time we convinced Andre that that Asian guy was Anquan Boldin? anQUAN, Kwan, Michelle Kwan, It made sense!
- Because I liked Joe Flacco a lot coming into this season I see his 119.3 passer rating as a sign of good things to come and not as a fluke and sort of a bad thing against a bad New England defense.
- Detroit Lions lose to the Giants in New Jersey. In other news, the sun rose this morning.
- Why is Brandon Jacobs still on this team as he vultures not one but two TDs from Ahmad Bradshaw. I don't care that Bradshaw got 133 rushing yards on only 19 carries (hey Rice and Jackson, this is how it's done son!) and got me 15 fantasy points, I'm greedy!
- Hakeem Nicks is a legit #1 starter as he gets 8 yards, no TDs, 3 receptions, and 7 targets against the Lions D. Er, wait...
- Crappy Steve Smith (NYG) now officially hands his name to Carolina's Steve Smith. Awesome Steve Smith's line: 6/9, 70 yards (led team), no TDs. Manningham gets a TD.
- Eli Manning does his best 2008 David Garrard impression: 20/30, 177 yards, 2 TDs, no INTs. Maybe these type of numbers should just be indicative of Manning. Sidenote: Manning threw for only 44 more yards than Ahmad Bradshaw had rushing yards.
- Combined Detroit QBs had over 300 yards passing. Another Lions QBs leaves the game with an injury and Michigan State alum Drew Stanton comes in and does better than what Todd Collins can do.
- Stanton also led all Lions rushers with 30 rushing yards. Even though I went up against Jahvid Best in Week One, I'm glad I stayed away from him in all fantasy leagues.
- Megatron is awesome. And so is Calvin Johnson.
- The Eagles defeated the Falcons 31-17 because Michael Vick really wanted to stick it to his former team! And because in all five passing highlights I saw, Atlanta's secondary looked like they all had Kevin Kolb, Jeremy Maclin, and DeSean Jackson on their fantasy teams. Jackson left the game with an injury and with Jackson out of the game they decided to double cover Maclin for the rest of the game. Which is why Maclin was wide open for an 83 yard TD pass.
- The Eagled traded for Harrison so LeSean McCoy can get 64 yards on 21 carries (geez, and I was ripping on Steven Jackson earlier), Jackson can get 44 yards on 2 carries, and some guy named Eldra Buckley (yes I used the word "guy" correctly) can get 40 yards on 12 carries.
- Maclin caught all 7 of his targets
- Matt Ryan is a reverse Eli Manning and really bad on the road. At least he was smart enough to send both of his 2 TDs to Tony Gonzalez. But he was also dumb enough to give Michael Jenkins the same amount of targets as Roddy White (11) and make Jenkins the Falcons leading receiver with 99 yards.
- Michael Turner is Brandon Jackson: 45 yards on 15 carries. The only reason I'm winning my Turner vs. Ryan Grant bet is because Turner is actually getting carries. I'm convinced that Ryan Grant right now could perform better than all RBs I mentioned in this sentence.
- Jesus Christ are there still more early games! What happened to some damn byes!?
- Steelers defeat the Browns 28-10. No 'obvious' jokes here.
- Big Ben ra.. er... destroys Cleveland's secondary with 3 TD passes. One to Hines Ward, one to Mike Wallace, and one to Heath Miller.
- Rashard Mendenhall is Rashard Mendenhall is Ryan Grant: 84 yards on 27 carries and a rushing TD.
- Colt McCoy wasn't statistically terrible and probably did better than what a player with Jake Delhomme and Senaca Wallace's combined, Human Centipede style, QB would have done.
- Ben Watson is a nice TE as he gets a TD.
- NO pulls an upset (to me) and beats Tampa Bay 31-6
- Drew Brees looks like his 2009 self
- I'm absolutely done with Marques Colston. I've been trying to get Robert Meachum (TD this week) in the GOI league but my 14th waiver wire order is never good enough. I have Colston and Lance Moore in a league and I will never start Colston over Moore again. Although I may regret saying this now.
- Chris Ivory has one of (if not) THE best rushing performances of the day: 158 yards on 15 carries. How we doesn't have a rushing TD is beyond the pale. Was there just one guy sitting at the goal line just ready to tackle Ivory?
- Tampa Bay is meaningless to me and I'm sick of writing. Nothing fantasy relevant to me and as we all know, that's the only thing that matters. Their receiving and rushing game was a clusterfuck.
- Texans score a lot of points and give up a lot of points. Like every game they play. They defeat the Kansas City Chiefs 35-31.
- I have no sympathy for you if you didn't start Dwayne Bowe this week. There's no reason he should be on your fantasy team if you weren't going to start him against the worst pass defense in the NFL. 6/9, 108 yards, 2 TDs.
- Despite Thomas Jones getting 3 more carries, 7 more yards, and 1 more touchdown than Jamaal Charles, Charles needs to get at least 20 carries a game and Jones needs to get about 5. Or even better- zero. Signing Jones (especially for THAT much money) was a waste and Charles needs to get the vast majority of carries. In fairness, Charles and Jones got equal touches. The touches still shouldn't even be remotely close.
- Matt Cassel puts up professional National Football League numbers against the worst pass defense in the league: 69% completion percentage and a 122.9 passer rating.
- Andre Johnson puts up Andre Johnson numbers due to another bullshit defensive pass interference call on Brandon Flowers. The call allowed Johnson to gain an extra 42 yards and a touchdown.
- Knowing when the Flowers pass interference call and knowing that it was actually an offensive pass interference on Johnson was a result of SportsCenter and not the Box Score. You caught me.
- Let me get up on my soap box here for a minute. I'm sick and tired of defensive pass interference calls being called on cornerbacks who are just being awesome at their jobs and covering their receivers like white on rice. In my thirty minutes of watching actual football/ highlights I saw this happen twice (The Flowers play and at the end of the Broncos/ Jets game- which I may or may not have time to get to). Clean hits/ sacks on the quarterbacks need to stop being called personal fouls as well. This is football! Be a man! I'm a man! I'm 40! Alrighty, I'm getting down and I'll finish up.
- Schaub puts up numbers like he should and was quote unquote clutch when his team needed him the most: 25/33, 305 yards, 2 TDs, 0 INTS, 123.9 passer rating.
- Arian Foster is going to Hawaii if he keeps playing like this. He might also get a Pro Bowl selection. Only 71 yards on 18 carries but 2 touchdowns.

And we... are.. OUT!