Box Score Tonight: Week Sixteen/ Sunday Morning Games

Oh what a lucky man I am. The NFL games are spread out evenly throughout the week, there are more games than normal that play on Sunday afternoon, there was a Saturday night game which means there are less games for me to write about right now. Despite the fact that I'm going to get no higher than 4th place in any of my fantasy leagues, I'm happy. But there still are plenty of games to talk about, so let's dive right in. We'll begin just as soon as I win a game. That's right by "I" in that last sentence I mean Sexy Rexy. And by that I mean Rex Grossman won a freaking game. Oh Yeah! **think Ferris Bueller's Day Off**

- As always we'll begin with the Bears
- I truly do not understand why there is STILL Bears hatred. I'm not saying the Bears will win the Superbowl- or even make it. I'm not saying they're the best team in the NFC. I'm not even saying they will win a playoff game. But despite that, there are a DAMN FINE football team and I don't care if I'm Atlanta and the Bears are coming to my house to fight for spot in the Superbowl. I'm legit scared to face the Bears and any team should be. The Bears defeat the Jets 38-34.
- There was essentially no defense in this game which made everybody look like a Pro Bowler. One of those guys was Matt Forte. I didn't know his YPC or numbers before doing this post, but he looked amazing rushing against the vaunted Jets D. Forte ended with up with 113 rushing yards on 19 carries (5.9 YPC), a great rushing TD run, and 56 receiving yards on 4 catches. I know I've been harping on the Bears to play Chester Taylor more (4 yards on 4 carries) but when Forte plays like this, Taylor needs to be the best cheerleader ever- and be on the bench. It's games like today that make me glad my girlfriend's parents bought me a Forte jersey for Christmas.
- Cutler look awful overall in the first half but made up for it and then some in the 3rd quarter when he threw for 3 TDs- two to Johnny Knox and one to Devin Hester. Cutler's numbers on the day: 215 yards, 4 TDs (one rushing), 1 INT, and a 104.2 passer rating. I think I heard Skip Bayless say that Cutler was 20 for 20 (in wins) when he has over a 100 passer rating. Make that 21.
- Johnny Knox: 4/6, 92 yards, TD. Devin Hester: 3/5, 48 yards, TD, and still an amazing, elite returner. I don't think it's a coincidence that as Hester's role in the offense decreases, his awesomeness in the return game increases.
- Another one of those players that looked like a Pro Bowler was Mark Sanchez. I gotta say, every time I have seen Sanchez play he looks really good. He looked like he was carving up the Bears Cover-2 scheme like a ham on Christmas. It also helps when Santonio Holmes and Braylon Edwards aren't dropping passes like they normally do. Sanchez' numbers on the day: 65 completion percentage, 269 yards, 1/1 TD/INT ratio, 84.2 passer rating. Holmes' numbers: 4/8, 69 yards, TD. Braylon Edwards: 8/6, 78 yards. The Jets leading receiver was Dustin Keller: 7/9, 79 yards.
- Neither Shonn Greene not L.T. had scored a rushing TD since Week 6. Both make up for lost time buy each getting into the end zone. Greene was by far the most effective back. Greene: 12 carries for 70 yards (5.8 YPC). L.T.: 13 carries for 28 yards (2.2 YPC). Both get 2 catches for 14 yards.
- As always, the New England Patriots steamroll the Buffalo Bills 34-3.
- Tom Brady doesn't look like he should be awesome with his 27 attempts for only 140 yards (and less than 60% completion percentage). But he throws 3 TDs with no INTs. The Patriots just do not turn over the ball and Brady broke another record by throwing 319 straight attempts without an interception. If Brady throws a TD next week, it'll be only the 7th time a player has thrown a TD in all 16 games of his season.
- So many fantasy impacts on the Pats side of the ball; Where to begin, where to begin? Hell let's just make one giant sentence. Like in those beer commercials "Here We Go!":
- The Law Firm BJGE gets 104 yards on 19 carries (5.5 YPC) Danny Woodhead gets 93 rushing yards on 13 carries (7.2 YPC) along with 3 catches for 32 yards with Aaron Hernandez out Rob Gronkowski gets 2 of Brady's TDs and leads all Pats with 54 receiving yards Alge Crumpler gets Brady's other TD Deion Branch and Wes Welker combine for 5 catches for 44 yards and no touchdowns. Phew. That was hard (That's what she said)
- We have a Fred Taylor sighting! He missed his lone target and gets one carry for -3 yards. Glad you're back buddy.
- Ryan Fitzpatrick has a 37.1 passer rating due to the fact he threw 3 interceptions and no touchdown. Thanks buddy for making me not regret the decision to bench you for Tim Tebow.
- Fred Jackson started out the game rushing for 50 yards on 5 carries (10.0 YPC). He then finishes with 31 yards on 8 carries (3.9 YPC) and no TDs. CJ Spiller is still alive with his 6 carries and at least one muffed punt.
- The Ravens defeat the Browns like they should. Moving On.
- Coming off his best game of 2010 and his best fantasy day, Ray Rice does just fine and last week over exceeded expectations. He gets 25 carries for 92 yards (3.7 YPC) and no rushing TDs along with only 1 catch for 0 yards. Willis McGahee gets 8 carries.
- Joe Flacco is his normal self. Because he only got 102 passing yards it looks like he won't hit 4000+ on the season but he's still had a great season (hopefully a wrap up post for him but we'll see. I have so many more "lists" to write. Seriously.) He finished the game with a 90.2 passer rating. He threw two TDs- one to the Ravens #1 wide out this year Derrick Mason and they other to T.J. I'm-Not-Going-To-Bother-To-Learn-How-To-Properly-Spell-Your-Last-Name.
- Peyton Hillis continues again to disappoint you in the fantasy playoffs by getting only 35 yards on 12 carries (2.9 YPC). I'm going to blame it on the fact he's never gotten this many carries before in his life. We'll see what happens to him next year. Still a great trade (obviously) by the Browns.
- My boy Colt McCoy pulls a Ryan Fitzpatrick by getting 3 INTs to zero touchdowns. He ends up with only a 52% completion percentage and a 27.0 passer rating. Mohamed Massaquoi ends up with a perfect passer rating because he threw a 29 yards TD pass to Brian Robiskie.
- The Kansas City Chiefs officially won the AFC West in part by defeating the Tennessee Titans 34-14.
- The Matt Cassel to Dwayne Bowe train got right back on the tracks after it got derailed by Cassel's appendix. Bowe catches 6 of his 9 targets for 153 yards and a score. Cassel has a great game with his 71% completion percentage, 314 yards, 3 TDs, zero INTs which helped him to get a 128.8 passer rating.
- Jamaal Charles could have possible HURT his YPC by ONLY getting 5.9 today- 77 yards on 13 carries. He also catches Cassel's other two TD passes and gets 40 yards on 4 catches. Thomas Jones has a bad day with his 2.2 YPC.
- Tony Moaeki graces our presence again by catching 5 out of his 7 targets for 63 yards.
- Kerry Collins for MVP!!! Remember when people said that and they actually meant it? Well not on Sunday they did not. He threw 2 touchdowns but also two picks along with a even-Derek-Anderson-is-laughing-at-you bad 38% completion percentage. That explains his 55.6 passer rating.
- Remember also when we were all SO SURE that Chris Johnson was the #1 fantasy selection overall? When will we ever learn that it's always Adrian Peterson. Always. CJ gets 58 yards on 14 carries (4.1 YPC) with no touchdowns. That's not too shabby at all if we didn't expect greatness from him.
- Some guy with the last name of "Cook" leads all Titans receivers with 96 yards plus a score. But who cares about him. Kenny Britt gets 89 yards and a score. Nate Washington sucks. He's still better than Randy Moss who didn't even get a target.
- The 6-8 Rams were facing the 5-9 49ers for a playoff spot. If San Fran had won this game- both teams would be 5-9. And leading the NFC West. God lord I hate this game and possibly this division, I would be fuming. But the Rams did win this game and they still have a chance to get a playoff birth going 8-8. The Chargers defeated the Denver Broncos a few years back in Week 17 to win the AFC West so it's been done before. Please St. Louis. Please beat the Seahawks next week to have more dignity than those kids do in "Glee". The Rams won 25-17.
- I feel so bad for Steven Jackson. If he was on the Jets he'd be the best RB in the league hands down. But he's not. He's on the Rams. Which would help explain his 2.0 YPC. On 24 freaking attempts. But he did get a rushing TD.
- Every week I write it and every week I still can't believe it's true considering how dominant Donkey Kong Suh looks and is. But the Rams made the right choice selecting Bradford. His numbers: 76% completion percentage, 292 yards, 1 TD, 0 INTs, 107.0 passer rating.
- This week Laurent Robinson (catching Bradford's TD pass) and Danario Alexander (6/7, 99 yards) win the Sam Bradford sweepstakes.
- Troy Smith started this game for the 49ers and after Singletary yelled at T. Smith ("I want winners on my team! I can't win with him!") Alex Smith finished the game. Sometimes you have to admit when you're wrong. I have a friend who keeps hating on the Bears. He had legit reason to at the beginning of the season, but since their bye and defeating teams like the Eagles and Jets, he should just admit he was wrong and stop hating. My buddy is like the 49ers franchise. They were wrong on Alex Smith. Trade him, cut him, whatever. He is not a good quarterback. Although Troy Smith didn't do anything to help his case either with his 62.0 passer rating.
- The guy in the tirade I referred to in the above bulled point is Vernon Davis, who since that speech, has been pretty damn amazing. He goes 3 for 7 for 70 yards. Michael Crabtree goes crazy though catching 6 of his 10 targets for 122 yards and the 49ers lone passing TD.
- Brian Westbrook gets 10 carries (4.0 YPC). Anthony Dixon gets 6 (2.8 YPC).
- Teddy Ginn Jr. does what he's best at. No, not running routes. No, not catching passes. No, not being a good receiver. It's being a kick returner. He returns a punt for a TD today.
- Mike Singletary gets fired after this game. I don't know what's the point of that when there's only one more week left. But whatever.
- Congratulations Detroit! You have won three straight games in a row. What are you going to do now? I'm going to Disneyworld! Probably not that far of a drive for the Lions after they defeated the Dolphins in Miami 34-27. The Dolphins have gone 1-7 at home this year yet going 6-1 on the road. So much for home field advantage.
- Shaun Hill starts this game for the Lions and has a darn effective games with his 108.2 passer rating.
- Jahvid Best leads all Lions rushers with an amazing 24 yards. But he gets a 53 yard TD pass. Best gets 6 carries (4.0 YPC) and Maurice Morris gets 12 (1.8 YPC) but also gets the Lions sole rushing TD.
- Tight end Brandon Pettigrew gets Hill's other TD pass. Megatron's numbers: 4/7, 52 yards, 0 TDs.
- Former Bear Nathan Vasher returns to his 2006 ways and gets an INT. Henne's other pick was a Pick Six by DeAndre Levy.
- People at Michigan State love the expression "Chad Henne rhymes with douche bag" But they go to Michigan State so of course THEY think that makes sense AND that's it's hilarious. He has an awful game with a 1/2 TD/INT ratio and a 72.0 passer rating. I truly believe my boy Tyler Thigpen, if he started all 16 games, would have been a great player this year and been better than Henne.
- Brandon Marshall, in the fantasy playoffs, performs like you thought he would when you drafted him. He gets 102 yards off of 10 receptions (16 targets). But Davone Bess (5/8, 34 yards) gets Henne's lone TD pass.
- Ricky Williams (5.1 YPC) gets 14 carries and leads all Miami RB's with 71 rushing yards. Ronnie Brown (3.1 YPC) gets 12 carries and a rushing TD. There must be a glitch on ESPN or something or someone's messing with me because someone named "Lousaka" gets a rushing TD for Miami as well- Lousaka Polite.
- Lastly, we get to my name sake: Rex Grossman. The Washington Redskins defeat the Jacksonville Jaguars (a team that was in the drivers seat to win their division not more than 3 weeks ago) 20-17. Jack Del Rio is soon to follow Singletary.
- With Mo Jo out, Yahoo! predicted Rashad Jennings to score almost 20 fantasy points for my team. I was so proud of myself for starting him. But of course, with my luck, Jennings does shit: 32 yards on 15 carries (2.1 YPC). Hell, he wasn't even the team's leading rusher, QB David Garrard (39 yards plus a rushing TD) was.
- Speaking of Garrard: 58% completion percentage, 1/2 TD/INT ratio, 70.0 passer rating.
- Mike Thomas: 6/9, 96 yards, TD. Mike Sims-Walker: 1/1, 31 yards.
- Like what the Chicago Bears did, the Washington Redskins won this game despite Grossman, but because of him. One of the main reasons the Cardinals releasing Matt Leinart was fucking retarded was because we all knew Derek Anderson blows. And Derek Anderson is better than Rex Grossman, so how dumb of a move is this? Sure he knows the system like the Redskins claim, but he can't execute it for shit. Grossman ends up with a 49% completion percentage, 4.7 YPA, 1/1 TD/INT ratio, and a 60.0 passer rating. On the positive side, he didn't lose a fumble- he didn't even fumble!
- Ryan Torrain gets 20 carries. Keiland Williams gets 2. Torrain (65 yards, 3.3 YPC) gets a rushing TD.
- Santana Moss leads all Redskins receivers with 85 yards. Chris Cooley gets 48. Anthony Armstrong gets 15. Back up TE Fred Davis gets Grossman's lone TD. Don't cha just love a fantasy gold mine like the Redskins where they have a QB like Grossman to share the wealth.

Again, gotsta love games taken out of the Sunday morning slot.

Nobody puts baby in a corner.

3 comments:

DB said...

First, I enjoyed the little jabs you gave me during your little recap, I would however like to point out a few things. First, Chad Henne does indeed rhyme with Douchebag, Second, as a Lions fan, you said we're going to Disney World, I am actually leaving for Orlando this week, I found that kinda funny, and third, GO SEATTLE, I want a 7-9 playoff team just to prove the point of how ridiculous some of our playoff systems are... If UConn can make a BCS Bowl, Seattle should be able to get to the superbowl with a 7-9 reg. season record

Sexy Rexy said...

Ah yes, references that only one person understands. Enjoy Disney and if the Rams win, I win the bet that a losing team doesnt make the playoffs. Although, I think no matter what, Roger Godell needs to come out and say that no matter who wins, either the Giants or the Packers- whichever team doesn't make the playoffs, should take the NFC West's place.

Dmitry said...

1) Drew Brees has also thrown a TD in every game

2) miami to orlando is a 4 hour drive

3) Sexy Rexy is def better than Derek Anderson