Maxim Magazine and Sports- An Oxymoron

So at the beginning of the year I bought a Maxim magazine for a school project (I swear it's for this advertising class I'm in. I have a computer, I'd use that instead of waste my money if I wanted to look at hot girls) Anyway, they have this whole section dedicated to the NFL. They have their own NFL Prediction and they created an "All-Maxim Team" where they mentioned certain players and have little interviews with them (they also have interviews with some hot cheerleaders too 'Oh, I'm going to college right now to be a marine biologist" Sure you are sweetie, you're taking classes after football games and before you strip at nightclubs... Anyway, I'm digressing here.)

My point is this (actually I have two). What does it take to really be considered in the "All Maxim Team"? I guess they try and get the best player available at each position? But if that was the case, then why are players like Chris Cooley (TE), Ben Roethlisberger (QB), Haloti Ngata (D) (Wait, his position is "D", what they fuck is that short for? He just plays defense? What!?), Al Harris (CB), Leonard Davis (OG), and Matt Birk (C) considered for this list. I mean they're GOOD, but are they the very best at their position, probably not.
Here are some of the qualifications I think it takes to be on the "All Maxim Team"
1) You have to be available to actually sit down, take a picture, and kind of sort of talk with a Maxim "reporter" (and I use the term reporter loosely)
2) You have to like to look at hot women. Not necessary fuck them, just look at them. With something, just a little bit, covering, all their private parts
3) YOU HAVE TO BE A MAN!
4) You have to look good in a bathing suit randomly running down a sandy beech with a hot girl sunbathing in the distance...
5) You have to have a story that is kind of funny to you and your teammates but when you tell it to a Maxim "reporter" you just sound like a retard

Secondly, what does it take to be an football expert writing for Maxim? Here's the bracket of how they predicted the 2008/2009 season playoffs to shake out

AFC:
1) New England Patriots
2) Indianapolis Colts
3) San Diego Chargers
4) Pittsburgh Steelers
5) Jacksonville Jaguars
6) Cleveland Browns

(BTW, this is what the 2007/2008 AFC picture looked expect replace Cleveland with Tennessee Titans)

Round One: Pittsburgh beats Jacksonville and San Diego beats Cleveland.
Round Two: New England beats Pittsburgh and Indianapolis beats San Diego
Round Three: New England beats Indianapolis

(apparently Maxim is full of pussies and predict no upsets. Maxim, pussies, get it? It's irony)

NFC:
1) Dallas Cowboys
2) New Orleans Saints
3) Green Bay Packers
4) Seattle Seahawks
5) Philadelphia Eagles
6) Arizona Cardinals

Round One: Arizona beats Green Bay and Philadelphia beats Seattle
Round Two: New Orleans beats Philadelphia and Dallas beats Arizona
Round Three: Dallas beats New Orleans

(Ooooh, and upset in the first round! Two of them! Going bold Maxim, Go-ing bold!)

Superbowl: New England beats Dallas

(apparentely only two upsets will occus throughout the ENTIRE playoffs and both will happen in the first round of the NFC playoffs)

So here's what the playoffs are GOING to look like (pretty much)

AFC:
1) Tennessee Titans
2) Pittsburgh Steelers
3) New York Jets/ New England Patriots/Miami Dolphins
4) Denver Broncos
5) Indianapolis Colts
6) Baltimore Ravens

NFC:
1) New York Giants
2) Carolina Panthers
3) Minnesota Vikings
4) Arizona Cardinals
5) Tampa Bay Buccaneers
6) Atlanta Falcons/ Dallas Cowboys

(the order may not be exactly like this because the Carolina Panthers could miracously run the table and get the #1 NFC spot but don't be be too shocked to see the real playoff order turn out like this)

Good job Maxim. Way to really be on the ball on this one. Way to really tell the vast majority of your readers what they didn't already think would happen and gave great insight to predicting the future! Fucktards.