Sports: A Game Of Inches

We are four humble men who love sports, but hate sports commentary. Peter Gammons is our hero and John Madden is our enemy. If you were to ask us our purpose, our answer would be simple: "We are forever locked in Mortal Kombat for the souls of sports fans everywhere. Statistics are our science and 'the immeasurable character of men' is the obsolete religion of blind faith. Our job is to prove that God doesn't exist and that athletes are merely cold, metal machines with no hearts or souls."

Neil Cotts, get off my team

Neil Cotts, the Cubs' LOOGY, is the worst pitcher I have ever had the displeasure to watch pitch. He's a lefty who can't get lefties out! So far this season, Cotts has faced 35 batters, but only retired 20 of them! In 6.2 IP, Cotts has walked 9 and given up 3 longballs (2.55 WHIP).

This is completely unacceptable. I don't give a shit what hand he writes his checks with. If we cut Viscaino, why won't we cut Cotts?

Futhermore, why couldn't the Cubs sign discounted lefties Joe Biemel, Jeremy Affeldt or Will Ohman during the offseason? Biemel and Ohman signed for peanuts. Also, fuck Jim Hendry for trading Michael Wuertz. I am so incredibly mad at this team right now...AHHHHH!